So the one thing that's preoccupying my brain right now is this personally challenging hike and the question: "what if I quit?"
Zig-Zagging a National Forest by foot, with weight, for four days and nights... 70-80 miles by our best estimations, depending on water availablity. It's a grand idea. The idea itself is very fucking FUN, even to write.
But right now I'm thinking of blisters, I'm thinking of hunger; thinking of sprains and stress fractures, bears, panthers, deer from "When Animals Attack," sunburn and the consequent dehydration & sickness. I'm thinking about unknown exposure to the flu and the three-day dormancy period... and all to aware that I am totally oblivious to all the things I'm about to learn that i SHOULD have been thinking about instead.
But this was my idea... been planning it as a solo thing since around August. Now two other folks are going with me,and I'm totally cool with that. I hope they get as much from it as I'm hoping I will. A fourth is involved now and is responsible for picking at least one of us up at the finish point at a given hour on a given day. And once again, "what if I quit?" Is "at least you tried" a good thing? I would imagine that its a lesser of two evils, but still... it's failure.
I would say something like "I Cannot Quit" only I know that, in fact, I can. I can just wake up and say. "that's it... I'm done." I can give in to some re-evaluation during the event itself and say, "you know... this is stupid" and probably be totally right. Things like this are irrational. There are a thousand reasons to quit, and this entry is my admission to myself that I'm scared that a few of them might start to look really good, really soon. I don't like that, but it is what it is.
Welcome to my wonderful world of self-doubt. See you folks a little later.
-Steve
Zig-Zagging a National Forest by foot, with weight, for four days and nights... 70-80 miles by our best estimations, depending on water availablity. It's a grand idea. The idea itself is very fucking FUN, even to write.
But right now I'm thinking of blisters, I'm thinking of hunger; thinking of sprains and stress fractures, bears, panthers, deer from "When Animals Attack," sunburn and the consequent dehydration & sickness. I'm thinking about unknown exposure to the flu and the three-day dormancy period... and all to aware that I am totally oblivious to all the things I'm about to learn that i SHOULD have been thinking about instead.
But this was my idea... been planning it as a solo thing since around August. Now two other folks are going with me,and I'm totally cool with that. I hope they get as much from it as I'm hoping I will. A fourth is involved now and is responsible for picking at least one of us up at the finish point at a given hour on a given day. And once again, "what if I quit?" Is "at least you tried" a good thing? I would imagine that its a lesser of two evils, but still... it's failure.
I would say something like "I Cannot Quit" only I know that, in fact, I can. I can just wake up and say. "that's it... I'm done." I can give in to some re-evaluation during the event itself and say, "you know... this is stupid" and probably be totally right. Things like this are irrational. There are a thousand reasons to quit, and this entry is my admission to myself that I'm scared that a few of them might start to look really good, really soon. I don't like that, but it is what it is.
Welcome to my wonderful world of self-doubt. See you folks a little later.
-Steve