pokes

I am in the best mood I've been in in forever and a day. I gave up the stoner lifestyle recently and am absolutely enthralled with sobriety. I'll elaborate a little but I think that sums it up pretty well. Suffice to say, contrary to what I thought it would be like to detox, it is in fact exhilarating. Every simple act has newfound wonder. Every experience is more vivid. I feel bombarded by stimuli and I'm loving it. My thoughts are clearer, my conversations are more lively, the world itself seems warmer and my future has never felt brighter. No longer am I victim to my own apathy or lathargy and the motivation to persue that which seemed previously unattainable is again restored. Were it not for the fact that I am now left to clean up after myself, I would say it's been an entirely positive experience. That aside though, this is probably the single most significant thing I've done in far too long and in so, I'm rather pleased with myself.
If you have any familiarity with alcoholics anonymous or other addiction programs you know that making ammends for one's wrongs is one of the more important steps. Though I wouldn't go so far as to say I've wronged anyone while under the influence of or because of marijuana, it's in no ways a misstatement to say that I owe almost everyone I know an apology for neglecting our relationship. Furthermore, I owe almost everyone I know a debt of gratitude for not giving up on me. God knows I've forsaken ppl for substance abuse problems in the past and in so i feel fortunate to have friends and family who stuck by me despite my evident shortcomings. Above all else, I feel I owe myself; I owe myself for time wasted, for potential squandered, for dignity lost and especially for having sold myself out. I feel like I've awoken from a bad dream, one of the ones where you have no control over your own fate. And troubling though I find my current predicament, I couldn't reasonably ask for anything more than that which I've given myself: hope.