Well Im distracting myself like everyone advised... I was in the mood for a lil pain so I got my lip pierced... I'm such a pussy though and the dumbass did it too damn slow and it hurt like a bizznitch! i was like
but anyhow... now I'm going to bleach my hair and then dye it purple! I'll post some pix when I'm done!

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As far as your earlier post. far be it from anyone really to understand exactly what is inside.. someone told me life is a mess and we claw our way through it.. becoming is birth and birth is painful (as you well know). I think it is very normal to have the feelings that you do about your child... people don't want to admit it, and for some it is unthinkable but it is natural. These people (child, husband) put a stress on you that you might resent.. your dreams and fantasies are the hope for more... it may not have anything to do with the people that are in your life but the crying of your soul for meaning and purpose.... it is that call that keeps us striving on.... its a process and at times it really really sucks...and other times it is like heaven..
Keep striving... meds can help you keep perspecitve and from crashing but they can't stop the inner calling to become...
My two cents...
I hope you're feeling better lovely ♥