so, i guess my christmas was good.
i went to midnight mass, the first time i've actually attended church in i think five years. i cried at times, tho i don't think anyone noticed. the ritual and the magnificence of church always seems to move me.
i spent all of christmas day and night with my mother, which i guess was okay. my mother has this innate way of pissing me off in an instant, but thankfully that was only relegated to two occurences.
dinner with my cousin wasn't as depressing as thanksgiving, tho the food wasn't as good either.
spending time with my second family was great. we watched the ravens game and they won!!!
i got lots of gift cards to best buy (wa-hoo!!!). and, funny enough, my favorite present came from my cousin brandon, whom i never would have guessed. he gave me a book of poetry by maya angelou. i didn't know the kid had it in him. now i just need to get him to read the copy of othello i bought him last year.
so now i'm sitting on my bed, having just hopped out of the shower, robe encircling my rear, my hair a mess of curls, one perticular curl kissing my right cheekbone. i love the feeling after a shower, not just clean but somehow pure, reborn anew. i think i'll finish my drink and masturbate now. hope everyone had a happy holiday. 
i went to midnight mass, the first time i've actually attended church in i think five years. i cried at times, tho i don't think anyone noticed. the ritual and the magnificence of church always seems to move me.
i spent all of christmas day and night with my mother, which i guess was okay. my mother has this innate way of pissing me off in an instant, but thankfully that was only relegated to two occurences.
dinner with my cousin wasn't as depressing as thanksgiving, tho the food wasn't as good either.
spending time with my second family was great. we watched the ravens game and they won!!!
i got lots of gift cards to best buy (wa-hoo!!!). and, funny enough, my favorite present came from my cousin brandon, whom i never would have guessed. he gave me a book of poetry by maya angelou. i didn't know the kid had it in him. now i just need to get him to read the copy of othello i bought him last year.
so now i'm sitting on my bed, having just hopped out of the shower, robe encircling my rear, my hair a mess of curls, one perticular curl kissing my right cheekbone. i love the feeling after a shower, not just clean but somehow pure, reborn anew. i think i'll finish my drink and masturbate now. hope everyone had a happy holiday.
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I do think that with a woman, I will truly be happy, though I have felt happiness with a man, I want LOVE. I have never loved a man before, just lusted after them sexually.
I also want to not have to hide what I feel, particularly from my family. I really havent fully come to terms with my sexuality anyway, this may just be a temporary thing, and then pass, just confused about some things right now is all.........but I do want more with women (other than sex) That I know.
[Edited on Dec 29, 2005 1:54PM]