pnpdevil666

opeth always put me in a somber, reflective mood. currently listening to "to bid you farewell"... kinda makes your eyes well up, even though you dont know why... well, i do know why, but it is so much easier to supress superfilous feelings... they dont bring anything to the table... ya know?

wierd here in Tampa/St. Pete. Im very... i dont know... i am definately not myself. part of me wants to take my Gerber and just rip a huge gash in my flesh, just to make sure im still alive. promised the little sis that I would stop cutting, maybe two years ago... she picked up the bad habit from my influence, and it kills me to see her all ripped up... i dont know, it's sad, and tragic, but I understand it. I hate it, especially for her, but I do understand it. thats more than I can say for life right now. still, there's nothing better than being covered in sweat and corpse paint and flowing blood, playing infront of insane fans...

no, I am not gonna kill myself.

maybe someone else though.

just alot of pressure here, trying to establish entire division by myself, lots of legwork, very unrewarding right now. I know the payoff is huge, and that's why I am here, but It just sucks to be so far away from all the people on earth who love and care for me.

The only thing I can think to do on this friday night is to go out and drink till I cant stand. and that is not healthy.

my chest has been hurting, where I broke my sternum a few years ago. not good. I refuse to go to the hospital, because i dont have the time or the patience or the money.

Trying so, so hard to stay positive, but there is nothing for me here in Florida. not yet anyway.