plasticeye

im not sure why i feel this is important to me, but it is. i need to write. i need. i need. i am a sad sad person. everything ive done in the past 15 yrs. is a fucked up blurred nightmare. my addictions and abuse have been out of control. i write because i need to do it for myself. i need. i need. i need. i am a father. i am a recluse. i am a drug addict. i am an alcoholic. i am nice. i am fun. i am alive. i need. i need. i need. i love. i hate. i am a fucked up piece of shit and i am alright with that because i know who i am. i love my landry. i love my daughter more than anything. but i hurt. i hurt. i cry. i just cry all the time. i dont let it show to my girls. i am afraid to let go in front of them. im trying, i really am. it will come to me i hope. i want to be something. i want to be there for my daughter. i need to. i have to. i need. i need. i need. i look at my eyes. i only see the pale blue color of pain. i am in pain. my mind is a wreck. but i just cry. i just cry. i cry. i drink. i die. i die for now. but i'll be back soon enough i hope. i love you. i love.