The following is a letter I wrote a friend upon being sad. I will post it here because the creeps are not here, and y'all may be able to provide some insight.
I'm writing you because you are my friend. But also probably because I have been drinking and because I am sad. I would call you, but I don't feel like it. Besides, I know you are busy with rehearsing and all and I don't want to bother you.
You may be thinking I am sad because we have not talked. Or at least, I have not heard from you for over a week. This is not true, however. I understand the constraints of a busy and intense rehearsal schedule. I hardly had time for anyone when rehearsing for My Three Angels. Or the Musical. Or anything, for that matter. My little projects usually consume my life. And I totally understand if yours do the same, in fact, I'd be shocked if they did not.
Regardless, I am still sad. And it has nothing to do with you. Perhaps it is because Sal and I have been fighting of late, and this bothers and disturbs me. I don't want to lose him, however much I hate him sometimes. But there is something deeper that bothers me.
I suppose I am a bad person, for thinking this way. I mean, I shouldn't be so selfishly concerned when my relationship is shitty, but I can't help it. I watched TV today, which was a bad start. The 11-day champion on Jeopardy continued his terrorous reign, making me feel stupid. Then, I watched the Simple Life, followed by some dumb sitcom, followed by a 2nd The Simple Life, and finished it with an America's Next Top Model. Between this and some drinks, I was feelin' mighty sorry for myself.
I think I'm not the right kind of attractive to be a model. I know that I am attractive, and I'm not cocky in saying so. I just finished a conversation with three different men who all were saying dirty things to me. But maybe I'm more of a "sexy" than a "beautiful" or "gorgeous". What's more? My hair is ruined.
Anyway, what does this all boil down to, you ask? This boils down to the fact that I don't think I'll ever achieve the lofty goals I set for myself. I don't know, maybe I shouldn't set my goals so high, but if I don't get in Elle by the time I'm twenty, it will never happen. That is the reality of high fashion. Maybe I should start my own fashion magazine? With real clothing, real people, real music reviews, and reasonable prices. Although, I have been known to pay sixty dollars for a skirt. Or $225 for a dress. A dress that wasn't for grad.
But why am I writing you about all this? Because you're something of a hero to me. You grabbed life by the proverbial balls and got out there and did what you wanted. And you're such a big success, in my eyes. I mean, you're in a movie with a hot TV Star, and fucking Gandalf. What's better than that? I don't have the talent, the looks, or the confidence to achieve any of what you have done (not that I want to play Pip, but still)...
So my reason behind writing you? Twofold. One is to spill my guts about all this to someone, and just let it out. I could post in my LJ but the creepy people who send me pictures of girls in bondage wear saying they'll buy me those clothes and eat sushi off my body in them (no joke, someone has done, and continues to do this) will just write "oh sweetie you are too sexy to be just any model you can model for me any time *rawR*" or something along those lines. If I write you, you won't write crap back. You'll be brutally honest because you are my friend. If you even write back at all, which I doubt, as you are busy. And that is forgiveable. The second reason to write you, and not anyone else, is because you know what I'm feeling. You had to have felt like your career (or lack thereof in my case) was going no where. I was wondering, if you save this darling, could you when you are not so busy write me back with some tips on maybe how to get off the ground. Or pick myself up.
Or how to meditate. Maybe that's all I need. To clear my mind.
Anyway, Thank you for listening to this all, and I'm sorry I took up so much of your time so that you read this. Although I wouldn't doubt if you skimmed it. No worries.
Hope to hear from you soon,
I'm writing you because you are my friend. But also probably because I have been drinking and because I am sad. I would call you, but I don't feel like it. Besides, I know you are busy with rehearsing and all and I don't want to bother you.
You may be thinking I am sad because we have not talked. Or at least, I have not heard from you for over a week. This is not true, however. I understand the constraints of a busy and intense rehearsal schedule. I hardly had time for anyone when rehearsing for My Three Angels. Or the Musical. Or anything, for that matter. My little projects usually consume my life. And I totally understand if yours do the same, in fact, I'd be shocked if they did not.
Regardless, I am still sad. And it has nothing to do with you. Perhaps it is because Sal and I have been fighting of late, and this bothers and disturbs me. I don't want to lose him, however much I hate him sometimes. But there is something deeper that bothers me.
I suppose I am a bad person, for thinking this way. I mean, I shouldn't be so selfishly concerned when my relationship is shitty, but I can't help it. I watched TV today, which was a bad start. The 11-day champion on Jeopardy continued his terrorous reign, making me feel stupid. Then, I watched the Simple Life, followed by some dumb sitcom, followed by a 2nd The Simple Life, and finished it with an America's Next Top Model. Between this and some drinks, I was feelin' mighty sorry for myself.
I think I'm not the right kind of attractive to be a model. I know that I am attractive, and I'm not cocky in saying so. I just finished a conversation with three different men who all were saying dirty things to me. But maybe I'm more of a "sexy" than a "beautiful" or "gorgeous". What's more? My hair is ruined.
Anyway, what does this all boil down to, you ask? This boils down to the fact that I don't think I'll ever achieve the lofty goals I set for myself. I don't know, maybe I shouldn't set my goals so high, but if I don't get in Elle by the time I'm twenty, it will never happen. That is the reality of high fashion. Maybe I should start my own fashion magazine? With real clothing, real people, real music reviews, and reasonable prices. Although, I have been known to pay sixty dollars for a skirt. Or $225 for a dress. A dress that wasn't for grad.
But why am I writing you about all this? Because you're something of a hero to me. You grabbed life by the proverbial balls and got out there and did what you wanted. And you're such a big success, in my eyes. I mean, you're in a movie with a hot TV Star, and fucking Gandalf. What's better than that? I don't have the talent, the looks, or the confidence to achieve any of what you have done (not that I want to play Pip, but still)...
So my reason behind writing you? Twofold. One is to spill my guts about all this to someone, and just let it out. I could post in my LJ but the creepy people who send me pictures of girls in bondage wear saying they'll buy me those clothes and eat sushi off my body in them (no joke, someone has done, and continues to do this) will just write "oh sweetie you are too sexy to be just any model you can model for me any time *rawR*" or something along those lines. If I write you, you won't write crap back. You'll be brutally honest because you are my friend. If you even write back at all, which I doubt, as you are busy. And that is forgiveable. The second reason to write you, and not anyone else, is because you know what I'm feeling. You had to have felt like your career (or lack thereof in my case) was going no where. I was wondering, if you save this darling, could you when you are not so busy write me back with some tips on maybe how to get off the ground. Or pick myself up.
Or how to meditate. Maybe that's all I need. To clear my mind.
Anyway, Thank you for listening to this all, and I'm sorry I took up so much of your time so that you read this. Although I wouldn't doubt if you skimmed it. No worries.
Hope to hear from you soon,
punkjr:
I wouldn't call myself a fan, but that movie does have LOTS of great lines in it. Granted, you have to use them one at a time for them to work, but they're funny none the less. 
friedbanana105:
i hope you hear from him soon too... and i hope your spirits get a lift.
