pixietom

Oh its a misunderstood world we live in.

As of late I've been thinking about friendships. How fickle mine have been over this past few years. When I open up to people, those are the ones that hurt me. But then because I have that one constant... I don't open up to those I need to. So people tend to see the wrong me, and that can complicate things for later.

You look so defeated lying there in your new twin size bed.
With a single pillow underneath your single head.

Today I got a message on Facebook from someone, a name that didn't look familiar to me at all. But I didn't delete it and instead I actually read it. Blast from the past, its the only person I can remember from when we were in Germany. (Since I was so young) Basically, after we moved here, he came to live with us for a while, he was a friend of my mother's son. And I called him Giant, since I was so tiny then since I was only like 5 and 6 and he was and adult. I can barely even remember how old he was back then or even now really. But its been about 14 years since I last saw of heard from him. 14 years... So much has happened since then. Stuff that I couldn't even comprehend it all.
But he's doing well and its been so long. So its nice to talk to someone from my past. Its a nice refresher of simplier times.
He even has this picture as evidence. I'm over by the fence messing with my neighbors.


I guess you decided that that old queen holds more space than you would need.
Now it's in the alley behind your apartment with a sign that says it's free.

And I hope you have more luck with this than me.

I've been looking at things to start my sleeve again. I've put it all in a better perspective this time. A friend of mine in Florida told me to try just drawing it all in separate pieces and not letting the artist string it all together to be one uniform tattoo sleeve if you want it to be in the end. So we will see. I will get it all done in chunks and when I'm ready to get that.
Which I'm a little ticked about... Like to myself. I had 1000 dollars. I could have gotten my chest piece finished and I didn't do it. I love what I got. I decided to get my mother a ring. She has done so much for me, and in all my whining and such she's still there. She sends me e-mails sometimes that just makes me cry, when she says how proud of me she is and that she's blessed have me as a daughter. In all my fuck ups and such. Hearing that is... All i can do is cry cause I truly don't feel like I'm up to that title.

You used to think that someone would come along.
And lay beside you in a space that they belong.
But the other side of the mattress and box springs stayed like new.
What's the point of holding onto what never gets used?

I just wish I could have gotten a tattoo, but I guess I'll have to wait.


I'm selfish so I picked sapphires (my birthstone) so that it will remind her of me.
Its gorgeous but one last time... Its not a tattoo for me.

Its snowing some. I'm making dinner.

One last time. I'm done with love, putting down my bags and I'm not looking anymore. I wish I no longer had the ability see people, so that attraction wouldn't be a problem either. cause I get myself in trouble with that to.
Valentine's Day was actually good, I didn't kill anyone. I'm on my period, and I found out that that is probably a source of my being anemic. So I may have to go on birth control again... I'm not so excited.
Other than to sit and desire for something new.

And I try not to worry, but you've got me terrified.
It's like your some kind of hurry to say goodbye, say goodbye, say goodbye.

I wanna go to Barcelona. Nevermind, I will go to Barcelona.

You look so defeated lying there in your new twin size bed.
You look so defeated lying there in your new twin size bed.
Death Cab for Cutie - Your New Twin Sized Bed
that how I feel these days.