Is it completely possible to want two people at the same time...?
As usual I'm sorta at a loss of what to do and I don't know how to keep myself out of trouble these days.
Good news. Yesterday, I hung out with two friends that I almost lost, and they almost lost me. They are dating, and they are from what I can see are great for each other at the end of the day. Kyle had to leave to handle some family stuff, but I stayed and Kooki/Amber and I had a huge heart to heart. Well basically she let me bitch and rant and try to explain everything that happened with her best friend Tiffany and I and the guy Mark. Then we had a bonding moment when we realized that Tiffany has treated us both the same. In that way that when shit goes down, she's only there in words. But she'll happily walk about 8 miles to get some guy. Who lives two blocks from me. Kooki and I always get along, but at times I never think we truly click. More so because we've never had that big thing that brings us closer. I think we may have had our moment though. I almost cried but I promised that I was not gonna waste anymore tears on that situation. She almost cried. It was nice, to be real after something where for the longest time you just miss those people, but try and accept that you'll never see them again, when in fact you will.
Now for the bad news. Last night I almost slept with Tyler. I do believe I mentioned him a lot. Well after telling him how I felt and not really getting anything back... I began ignoring/avoiding him. Not the most adult thing, but its all I could really think to do. Self-preservation. He went to Sweden and came back and that was the first time I'd seen him in a while. But still I didn't talk to him. Just smirk/smiled when he walked by. Well last night after I left my friends and went home, then walked my dog and about to get my pjamies on, guess who texts me...? Tyler, and he wants me to come over. And cuddle... So like... the person I am I went. Spent the night there. Came back home while he went to work.
How do I feel now... Overly confused, by myself and my actions. I thought I wanted Josh. No, I do want Josh, but Tyler came long before Josh, so I still have this weird hope that maybe that could happen. I'm stuck between two guys who are the exact same and opposite. I want them both. I don't think its equal the way I feel, but I don't really want to sit down and think about it.
What worries me most, is that the thing with Josh, was crazy. I would never do that. I'm not like that or that spontaneous or anything. Then this thing with Tyler... I'm not becoming someone horrible or anything. No. I'm just a little freaked out that I'm capable of this stuff. This is me doing it. Cause I've been feeling like I'm a spirit watching myself do these things. Its crazy.
Live long and prosper!
As usual I'm sorta at a loss of what to do and I don't know how to keep myself out of trouble these days.
Good news. Yesterday, I hung out with two friends that I almost lost, and they almost lost me. They are dating, and they are from what I can see are great for each other at the end of the day. Kyle had to leave to handle some family stuff, but I stayed and Kooki/Amber and I had a huge heart to heart. Well basically she let me bitch and rant and try to explain everything that happened with her best friend Tiffany and I and the guy Mark. Then we had a bonding moment when we realized that Tiffany has treated us both the same. In that way that when shit goes down, she's only there in words. But she'll happily walk about 8 miles to get some guy. Who lives two blocks from me. Kooki and I always get along, but at times I never think we truly click. More so because we've never had that big thing that brings us closer. I think we may have had our moment though. I almost cried but I promised that I was not gonna waste anymore tears on that situation. She almost cried. It was nice, to be real after something where for the longest time you just miss those people, but try and accept that you'll never see them again, when in fact you will.
Now for the bad news. Last night I almost slept with Tyler. I do believe I mentioned him a lot. Well after telling him how I felt and not really getting anything back... I began ignoring/avoiding him. Not the most adult thing, but its all I could really think to do. Self-preservation. He went to Sweden and came back and that was the first time I'd seen him in a while. But still I didn't talk to him. Just smirk/smiled when he walked by. Well last night after I left my friends and went home, then walked my dog and about to get my pjamies on, guess who texts me...? Tyler, and he wants me to come over. And cuddle... So like... the person I am I went. Spent the night there. Came back home while he went to work.
How do I feel now... Overly confused, by myself and my actions. I thought I wanted Josh. No, I do want Josh, but Tyler came long before Josh, so I still have this weird hope that maybe that could happen. I'm stuck between two guys who are the exact same and opposite. I want them both. I don't think its equal the way I feel, but I don't really want to sit down and think about it.
What worries me most, is that the thing with Josh, was crazy. I would never do that. I'm not like that or that spontaneous or anything. Then this thing with Tyler... I'm not becoming someone horrible or anything. No. I'm just a little freaked out that I'm capable of this stuff. This is me doing it. Cause I've been feeling like I'm a spirit watching myself do these things. Its crazy.
Live long and prosper!
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
niobe:
When I die, I will put it in my will that you can have him. 
jimmythumbtack:
Herro 