pixiestixx

You know what... while I'm lying here alone in my bed; I realized Valentines Day isn't too far away. A completely asinine holiday created by greeting card companies? Perhaps. But there is that whole lovey-dovey shit that goes along with it, and it just reminds me that there isn't anyone who gives a damn about me. Well at least no one to call me *gag* their "valentine" yeah I know how corny and pathetic, but still it would be nice if I had some sort of special someone that cared just a smidgen. Le sigh. (Of course I have friends who care about my well being and whatnot, but) I have a terrible fear that I will never be loved, will never be good enough, will always be alone. During these late hours it's the worst. When I am utterly alone, engulfed in darkness, reflecting on my loneliness. As much as I try to tell myself that I am happy, I cannot stop the physical pain I feel. I have instilled so much self loathing towards myself that I feel I will never be deserving of someones love and attention. Im sorry for being so negative, but I cant help but feel this way more often than I should. And it physically hurts, so much to the point where I cant breathe and will start to hyperventilate on occasion.what an embarrassment. Im not looking for sympathy I just need to vent somewhere and purge this negativity. I think I just need a good smack to snap me out of this self-deprecating bullshit. Honestly what the hell is wrong with me?