pixiestixx

i have to say i love my family to death, and thoroughly enjoy spending time with them. we had a nice little get together at my grandparents house for labor day. my uncle brought his 27 yr old friend who was joined by his 45 yr old girlfriend, hey whatever makes you happy, right? ( i never would have guess since she doesn't look a day over 30). they were both really cool and nice to talk to. my aunt and uncle are some very cool people, its only natural they would have cool friends.

then of course my single aunt, who has reverted back into a teenager, was texting her boyfriend the entire time. thank god she wasn't "sexting" him this time.....and asking me how to spell tingle properly or what a spontaneous mood means.....telling me how filthy and perverted she is (hilarious and disturbing all at the same time, lots of wine was involved)

the only thing that bothers me is the majority of my family's close-mindedness towards tattoos. as of now, i only have two tattoos. so, as of now, my family doesn't have a problem with them. however, i would loveee to have more, but my family would rather i not. the mere mention of a sleeve (a half sleeve) and its "gasp! oh no! do not do that to yourself...blah, blah, blah" its not like i want to get something ridiculous tattooed across my face....so calm down people! the funny thing is that many of my family members have tattoos, granted its just a few small ones, but still you have tattoos.

Having tattoos will not change who i am on the inside, and isn't that what really counts? right, it's what's on the inside that counts.... or have you been telling me lies? ugh, i just feel like my family doesn't understand me at all. i hate feeling like i have to conform to what they what me to be, and i can't just be myself for fear of what they will think. this is something that causes me so much emotional pain, but i just can't tell any of them. it would probably help if i did, but i just can't.

i suppose sometimes my family can be a bunch of judgmental snobs, and that really bothers me. the other day i was at my cousins house. this girl was walking around in her underwear, being a little tramp, shaking her ass and shouting where's my pole. i asked her what she thought if i were to pose naked for pictures, and she said "ew, that's disgusting!" excuse me?! you're parading around in your underwear acting like a complete whore, and doing a tasteful nude photo shoot is disgusting? this boggles my mind....

i like to think that i am pretty open-minded and accepting. i accept and love my family for their flaws, so if wanting to have tattoos makes me flawed (i really don't agree) shouldn't they accept me? it just really hurts to constantly pretend.... pretend to be this happy, perfect girl who can do no wrong. no one is perfect! and all this pretending takes it's toll on me. i suppose it is one of the reasons why i find myself being quite unhappy a lot of the time.....so pathetic

so, mom-- likes to drink, a lot. this upsets me, but i get it.... you have your issues and alcohol helps you deal. I'd wish you would stop, but i still love you....
dad-- has a short temper, is verbally abusive....was physically abusive. i cant count how many times you've made me cry, but i still love you...

i want more tattoos and that doesn't change who i am. its not like i plan to be covered head-to-toe, i just want a few more pieces of artwork on my body. i wish my family could just accept that

sigh

ok, pity party is over..... i just needed to get that off my chest....