pixieduzt

Its so weird. As i sit here it all seems like it never happened. It seems like some surreal dream that I just woke up from and I'm still trying to figure out what was real and what was imaginary. The past seems so far away from me now and it wasn't that long ago. I'm not sad that its over and we aren't together because i know that was best now and I'm actually glad I got out when I did because he isn't HIM anymore, he is someone his friends have created. Someone the him of yesteryears would have despised and taunted relentlessly and i don't want to have anything to do with that person. I have just about returned to my old self and it seems so odd to me that I would have been such a different person for so long! I think it all ran away with me. I was in love with the idea of being in love with someone that was so much like me but he wasn't anything like me at all in the end. God, love is blind isn't it? You know what's sad? I tried so hard to keep him happy that i was miserable all the time and now that i'm single, when i should be miserable because i've been rejected, i'm actually happy. I'm having so much fun! I'm meeting so many new people in so many new places and going places too. He held me back and i didn't notice. I was ready to follow him wherever the Army sent him and to put my education and career on hold to make everything perfect for him. I HATE those kinda girls. I've always known that women need to put themselves first, so why didn't I? I was so blindsided by the intensity i guess....i wasn't expecting all of that to happen. I was expected to have a summer fling with him, some sex and snuggling....that was it....but i fell in love and it made me miserable. oh well, i'm done being all girlie and whiny and emo for now. I just thought it was weird that my life, 4 months after being shattered, is so well put together again that it feels like this is how it's been forever. And I have absolutely no resentment toward him....i'm sure that'll prolly change once i see him and wannabe me on campus together....but i just wann hurt her, i always have, i've never liked her....she's dirty....PUBLICLY dirty. If you're gonna go sluttin it up, go you, just be smart enough to keep it on the DL and don't go fuckin every guy in the effin BATALLION! HAHA. oh well. I just feel sorry for him really. ok. done with the emo-ness.