I had a bit of a meltdown the other day. There are so many things going on in my life and quite a few people pushing and pulling at me, so I just let it out.
It all started with the fact that I forgot my anti-depressants for a couple days. I'm the happiest person in the world. I just have a chemical imbalance that makes me uber moody without pharmaceutical help. Trust me, I hate being on drugs, but I really have no choice right now. Anyway, I was jittery from withdrawal and my mum and I went to get her best friend, Colleen, to go to a tattoo parlor. Mum promised me a tattoo if I did school work regularly for at least two months, so we went to one place to book a tattoo appointment. She's all concerned that she won't get her money's worth so we did a bit of shopping around. We went to this place that Colleen recommended, but I've heard nothing but bad things about it. We go there and the guy behind the counter is obviously stoned off his ass and they artist isn't there. After putzing for a bit, we left, leaving me more fussy. We wanted to go to a lovely little eatery across the street, but they were closed due to the recent power outages. Now I'm really getting upset. Once in the car, I realize I have a hole in my pants and Colleen starts tearing into me about this tattoo; telling me I don't appreciate all that my mom does for me. Fuck that shit. I'm fully aware of how much she does and am very grateful for it, so I snapped. Tears are pouring down my face as I just let out all that's pent up inside. First off, I'm moving to Texas in a month or so. This is gonna be my first time completely on my own. Granted I'll have a fucking awesome roommate, but it's not like the parental association I'm used to. I'm going to be on my own - taking care of myself. I know I can do it, but every once in awhile it's like, "OH SHIT! IT'S GONNA ALL BE ON ME!" Next, there's the fact that my grandpa had open heart surgery yesterday and NO ONE FUCKING TOLD ME! I got a call in the afternoon from my dad saying, "Grandpa's out of surgery"... "Um, what!?" My stepmom was supposed to tell me, but she was so tied up in herself that it "slipped her mind". I don't like her as is, but this is pushing me towards hating her. I don't not like her because she's my dad's new wife - I'm glad he's found someone and he's happy, but she's trying to be my mom. She's also really whiny and clingy and it drives me up the fucking wall. Back to my grandpa - he was in critical condition and not waking up. Thankfully, he did today and he's doing pretty well for just having a massive surgery. On top of that, my friends have left me out of yet another adventure. It's becoming more and more clear that it won't be as hard as I thought to leave them. After venting and ranting to them, I feel much much better.
On a lighter note, I'm going to Indianapolis this weekend to help my friend through a tight spot in his life . I'm excited to see everyone there again.
It all started with the fact that I forgot my anti-depressants for a couple days. I'm the happiest person in the world. I just have a chemical imbalance that makes me uber moody without pharmaceutical help. Trust me, I hate being on drugs, but I really have no choice right now. Anyway, I was jittery from withdrawal and my mum and I went to get her best friend, Colleen, to go to a tattoo parlor. Mum promised me a tattoo if I did school work regularly for at least two months, so we went to one place to book a tattoo appointment. She's all concerned that she won't get her money's worth so we did a bit of shopping around. We went to this place that Colleen recommended, but I've heard nothing but bad things about it. We go there and the guy behind the counter is obviously stoned off his ass and they artist isn't there. After putzing for a bit, we left, leaving me more fussy. We wanted to go to a lovely little eatery across the street, but they were closed due to the recent power outages. Now I'm really getting upset. Once in the car, I realize I have a hole in my pants and Colleen starts tearing into me about this tattoo; telling me I don't appreciate all that my mom does for me. Fuck that shit. I'm fully aware of how much she does and am very grateful for it, so I snapped. Tears are pouring down my face as I just let out all that's pent up inside. First off, I'm moving to Texas in a month or so. This is gonna be my first time completely on my own. Granted I'll have a fucking awesome roommate, but it's not like the parental association I'm used to. I'm going to be on my own - taking care of myself. I know I can do it, but every once in awhile it's like, "OH SHIT! IT'S GONNA ALL BE ON ME!" Next, there's the fact that my grandpa had open heart surgery yesterday and NO ONE FUCKING TOLD ME! I got a call in the afternoon from my dad saying, "Grandpa's out of surgery"... "Um, what!?" My stepmom was supposed to tell me, but she was so tied up in herself that it "slipped her mind". I don't like her as is, but this is pushing me towards hating her. I don't not like her because she's my dad's new wife - I'm glad he's found someone and he's happy, but she's trying to be my mom. She's also really whiny and clingy and it drives me up the fucking wall. Back to my grandpa - he was in critical condition and not waking up. Thankfully, he did today and he's doing pretty well for just having a massive surgery. On top of that, my friends have left me out of yet another adventure. It's becoming more and more clear that it won't be as hard as I thought to leave them. After venting and ranting to them, I feel much much better.
On a lighter note, I'm going to Indianapolis this weekend to help my friend through a tight spot in his life . I'm excited to see everyone there again.
phatlaces:
That's a lot to deal with especially in a short period of time. You have every right to feel however you feel. But I hope this weekend cheers you up.