pirra

i hate my life.
regardless of how many times an apology is made. . .
its painful to see how much words do not mean and how often things just stay the same.

it is surprising how much liking somone just seems to be a constant ache.
it is not in me to be spiteful or jealous anymore, now i just cry all the time.


you know to apologize
you comfort me
hold my head in your lap
and stroke away these hurts
i place my hand on your heart
and i feel your life's blood move against it
i have held you close and sung my praises of your warmth
deliriously, ecstatically. . .
given my energy to you out of the joy of having you close
would you even care how many tears have been given to you
would you laugh
a monster's laugh
and put your teeth into a vulnerable girl's throat
i am scared to find out. . .

i have nothing to say,
alot of nothing to say.