I suppose I'll start with a slight backstory, I was raised as a Roman Catholic, so I was raised to believe that God was there to help me and be there through all of my problems. I had been bullied pretty consistently since I was about 9, so I found myself in with the wrong crowd because they accepted me, kinda. They tried to change me but nonetheless they kept me around.
At 14 everything had been building up quite heavily. I had the memories of being bullied for years, I was still being bullied to a degree, and my friends were, quite honestly, pieces of shit. Or at least my best friend was. She strived off of my pain - every single time something bad happened to me she made sure to drag it out for as long as she could, and purposely said or did things to make me feel even worse along the way. I had also just had a breakup with a boy, who, even though he wasn't the love of my life (I was 14 okay), I reacted to it as such. So, needless to say, that shit hurt and definitely didn't help my situation.
I began self harming and just really coming down hard on myself. I didn't want to be on this planet anymore. I tried seeking help from my friends but I suppose you can guess how much help I got from them. I was confused at why God wasn't helping me, why nothing was getting easier, why I was constantly being bullied by the people I cared about the most.
Eventually I had hit absolute rock bottom. I won't go into details, but again, I assume you can guess what that means. And I won't pretend that I was all of a sudden reborn and happy after this experience because I still dealt with these issues for a while. But, this experience did give me a new perspective on life, and made me realize that I do want to live, even through the hardships.
After coming out of this experience, I've become a very self-driven person, and I don't rely on anybody to get me through my problems because I know I can do it on my own. I know that I can muster up my own strength and courage to pull through without a third party. Even though this experience was the worst that I've ever had, I'm actually very fortunate for it. I've grown so much stronger because of it.
*Any comments attempting to initiate a religious argument will be deleted. This is my experience and I am not trying to shame or insult anybody who does rely on God for their strength, I am just saying that I don't*
@missy @rambo
