pinkpirate

OK grrr

we can safely say that I know sweet fuck all about men and how they think.

alright.. There comes a time when others can see what's going on a little more clearly than oneself may or may not be able to see.

So ... give me your worst after i explain this about "mr phil the zambonie driver"

Phil is 6'2 bout 200..
He's a really responsive guy, he calls before I even ask.. he speaks well.. he's calm but not wimpy..
He is a fuck'in rock star in bed. He's very good-looking. Phil is 11 years older than me.

I thought it would be cool.. i'm not stupid to the fact that he is also 11 years smarter than me. Or has 11 years on me. (you see my point)

so the other night, after fooling around for a bit we are talking and I ask him if he is just humoring me.. he was like "what do you mean:.. I was like "what do you mean, what do I mean?"
Are you humoring me?" he said "not at all, I really like you and I think you are the coolest girl I have met in a long time."

I think.. i like him .. he likes me, f'in stellar..

So... the other night we sorta duked it out a bit verbally.. over some sexual "flavors" each of us has that the other wants to have nothing to do with..
somehow.. me acting like such a girl.. I just lay it out on the table...

it comes down to the question point blank...I could hear myself saying it,.. and I was trying to shut myself up,.. but just like all verbal diareaha it just comes out...
"do you even like me.. cuz i like you a hell of alot and don't waste my time if you don't feel the same way..!"

CRAP!

he looks me dead in the eye and says NO..

I am crushed in this man's kitchen for (what seemed like 10 mins..) 10 seconds.. I grab a smoke..I tell him ,
there is no point to me returning to be with him again, I quietly gather myself....tell him i am going outside for a smoke..go smoke smoke smoke...
it's raining outside... I can hear his car around the block.. he doesn't even drive to come get me..(a normally very responsive man i think would)
I walk around the block in the rain to his car... I say nothing .. i'm calm.. i'm trying to stay collected.. and i am so hurt but I stay quiet.. comes 10 mins into the drive.. I ask him about his answer to me that night in bed..

he looks at me completely baffled and says i am soo confused.. i'm think'in that makes two of us...
he admits he is freaking out that, i like him..(yikes) and that he freaking out that we just fought over something so silly.

we engage in light playful conversation to avoid the awkwardness we go get coffee he drops me at home... he leans in to kiss me and pulls back..i am still sorta more quiet than usual and he knows it..i am baffled, i really thought he liked me (says the cheerleader) ...
i just shake my head in a no kinda dissaproving way and say "bye Philly" and my hands are full so i can't close the door so.. i slam it with my hip cuz that's all i can do..but it pulls off to be a pretty cool girl move..lol


later that night....i'm getting ready for bed


he pops up on my msn with little frowny faces
i'm like ...i'll call...

i call him.. we talk...
he says he thought we were still on the other disagreement about the naughty stuff and that i pretty much switched topics on him to fast...



so i am like ok.. so then lemme put it to you this way "i like to see the flowers that i am watering grow..."
And i wanna know
Am i watering a dead garden.
he laughs and indicates to me that i am not..without saying that i am not..(watering a dead garden)
i am left scratching my head.. it's late we let eachother go admitting that niether one of us are any clearer on the subject..and let it be at that.

he calls me from work today just to say hi...
I am going nuts. I like him, he is twisted and hot..he's everythng I want in a man, but he is messing with my head.. and i am not sure if his intent is good or not..