hmmm...
Had a bad morning Saturday after work. Again. He always has to prove me fucking right, ya know? Like the fact that he was trying to save face by telling D stuff, and then I find out he made a comment to someone else of "I don't need anymore trouble than I already have right now" (when asked why he doesn't talk to me anymore). Yes, I cried. I think its unfair for him to keep my hope alive, by telling D things, like how he misses me, and he thinks he is crazy for letting me go, and then turn around and talk trash. Why does he have so much power over me?
So I went out Saturday night. I had switched shifts with someone at work. D called me on a break, while he was in the locker room, along with the asshole and some others. He made it a point to say "Ssssh, I'm talking to Debbie!" and when someone asked why I wasn't at work, he also made sure to say that I was out with another guy. The asshole had to shout out "I don't CARE if she's with someone else" and D told me that he told the others in the room "Mark my word, later on he'll be somewhere with his head down, cryin', wait an see". I love D.
And no, I wasn't out with another guy. D just wanted to say that and piss him off.
And of course......I did look good. I looked fabulous. So I went to work at 2:30 to visit D, and find out about overtime for this week. I need money! And, of course, I wanted the ex to see how amazing I looked. Yes, I am an attention whore at times.
He saw me. He definately saw--not like a quick glance of oh hell, there she is, I gotta look away now, but a good long what the hell is she doing here, and damn.....kinda look. I walked right by him without any eye contact, like he is invisible to me. Games.
They told me that I could work overtime tonight (sunday) then they decided to cancel all overtime for my shift today.
but I'm still workin' overtime tomorrow, as long as they don't call me and tell me not to come in. Some of the girls wanted me to stay last night and help them finish up a job, and I said I would, but the supervisor wouldn't let me. 
I would have loved to stay at work lookin' super hot, flirting with the boys that the asshole doesn't like me talkin' to. Again, games.
Oh well.
Who knows. Maybe he's pissed if he thinks I went out with another guy. Maybe it will provoke him to not get a divorce. Perhaps he will think he is stuck, that I will never take him back, and the only option he has now is that psycho he married.
Or perhaps he will still go through with the divorce. And he will blame me for all the hell he has gone through. Maybe his feelings for me will completely change, and he will dispise me, and never want me again.
I don't know. It sucks. The waiting. The heartache. The shit. The fucking games. I don't want to hurt him...........but god I do want to. He has put me through hell, but he's going through hell trying to get away from her (if he's even still trying).
I tried so hard for months to keep him--I really went through an emotional hell. And he didn't even put up a fight for me. He just let me walk away.
Had a bad morning Saturday after work. Again. He always has to prove me fucking right, ya know? Like the fact that he was trying to save face by telling D stuff, and then I find out he made a comment to someone else of "I don't need anymore trouble than I already have right now" (when asked why he doesn't talk to me anymore). Yes, I cried. I think its unfair for him to keep my hope alive, by telling D things, like how he misses me, and he thinks he is crazy for letting me go, and then turn around and talk trash. Why does he have so much power over me?
So I went out Saturday night. I had switched shifts with someone at work. D called me on a break, while he was in the locker room, along with the asshole and some others. He made it a point to say "Ssssh, I'm talking to Debbie!" and when someone asked why I wasn't at work, he also made sure to say that I was out with another guy. The asshole had to shout out "I don't CARE if she's with someone else" and D told me that he told the others in the room "Mark my word, later on he'll be somewhere with his head down, cryin', wait an see". I love D.
And no, I wasn't out with another guy. D just wanted to say that and piss him off.
And of course......I did look good. I looked fabulous. So I went to work at 2:30 to visit D, and find out about overtime for this week. I need money! And, of course, I wanted the ex to see how amazing I looked. Yes, I am an attention whore at times.
He saw me. He definately saw--not like a quick glance of oh hell, there she is, I gotta look away now, but a good long what the hell is she doing here, and damn.....kinda look. I walked right by him without any eye contact, like he is invisible to me. Games.
They told me that I could work overtime tonight (sunday) then they decided to cancel all overtime for my shift today.
but I'm still workin' overtime tomorrow, as long as they don't call me and tell me not to come in. Some of the girls wanted me to stay last night and help them finish up a job, and I said I would, but the supervisor wouldn't let me. I would have loved to stay at work lookin' super hot, flirting with the boys that the asshole doesn't like me talkin' to. Again, games.
Oh well.
Who knows. Maybe he's pissed if he thinks I went out with another guy. Maybe it will provoke him to not get a divorce. Perhaps he will think he is stuck, that I will never take him back, and the only option he has now is that psycho he married.
Or perhaps he will still go through with the divorce. And he will blame me for all the hell he has gone through. Maybe his feelings for me will completely change, and he will dispise me, and never want me again.
I don't know. It sucks. The waiting. The heartache. The shit. The fucking games. I don't want to hurt him...........but god I do want to. He has put me through hell, but he's going through hell trying to get away from her (if he's even still trying).
I tried so hard for months to keep him--I really went through an emotional hell. And he didn't even put up a fight for me. He just let me walk away.
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Sorry about putting in my two cents.
I really do hope things get better and work out for you.