Wednesday sucked ass. It was Tony's only day off from work this week, and he had no time to see me. He really didn't make an effort to call or text me either. I moped all day. He hurt my feelings, especially when it seems like he tells me he wants to be with me, and then makes no effort to prove it.
I'm such a fruitcake.
I did manage to clean my room, which was a major task. I washed my car the other day too. I just deposited $1,000 in the savings, which makes me feel good, and I paid off my credit card. Finances are looking good these days.
Ah yes, forgot to mention--since I was moping Wednesday, I wanted some crappy, fatty food. So I went to Penn Station for a veggie sub. Got all the way home........realized I forgot my wallet. Had to go allll the way back to get it. Then, later, as I'm coming home, I'll admit, I hit the gas a little to try and make the traffic light at the intersection by my house...it was still technically yellow as I started through it. It turned red about halfway through. So out of nowhere, about a minute later, this cop is behind me pulling me over. ALMOST right in front of my house. He comes up, says I ran a redlight, and I said it wasn't red when I started through it. He makes some snide comment of "Oh, you wanna ARGUE with ME? Cause I was sitting right there and saw the light turn green as you were going through the intersection..." and I start bawling my eyes out. He asks why I'm crying and I said I had the shittiest day EVER and my house was RIGHT THERE (as I point to it) and say "I just wanna GO HOME!" Luckily, he got another call, for something going on down the street, and he let me go. But not before telling me to not run redlights and not to drive 15 MPH over the speed limit (again, I think that is BULLSHIT).
Hm. It was back to work on Thursday.. Yee-haw. Three days off actually kind of sucked, cause I have no friends to spend time with anymore. Ginner's in Columbus, Lesley's in Kent, Sara and Dietrich had to work, and Tony had to work. I was lonely. Before going back to work Thursday, though, I locked myself out of the house on my way out. Yeah, had to climb through the back window to get my car keys and such so I could leave. I about killed myself, cause I had to climb on a chair to reach the window. Yup. Got bruises all over the damn place.
Got to work, and was in a shitty mood due to aforementioned accident, and the previous day of getting all my feelings stepped on by a certain someone. So I go to work, and I decide to be all unresponsive to him, just like he's done to me. I think it affected him pretty good, cause he looked way sad after my VERY short responses to the questions he asked. He just stood off to the side, with this heartbroken look on his face. Then, he didn't talk to me at 9:30 break or Midnight break (until I texted him telling him how upset I was---yes, like I said, I'm a fruitcake) I ended up crying at work cause I just felt like such shit, and so unimportant to his life. He ended up talking to me a bit at 2:30, and he looked waaay sad when I went to talk to him ( he was all cute about it too, he asked if he could "sit with me" cause I went outside) Then we continued our conversation at 5 am break, which made me feel much better, and then again as we left work. I do feel a lot better about the situation. And I do think that he wants a divorce, he just doesn't know how to go about doing it without feeling like he's totally abandoning his daughter. Then I go and heap all this extra stress on him. I asked him why he puts up with me, and he said cause he loves me so much.
He also said something that just made me melt, but I'll spare the details.
Needless to say, I miss being able to spend as much time with him as I used to--but I'll just have to adjust, and hope I can keep the faith that he will someday belong to just me.
I'm such a fruitcake.
I did manage to clean my room, which was a major task. I washed my car the other day too. I just deposited $1,000 in the savings, which makes me feel good, and I paid off my credit card. Finances are looking good these days.
Ah yes, forgot to mention--since I was moping Wednesday, I wanted some crappy, fatty food. So I went to Penn Station for a veggie sub. Got all the way home........realized I forgot my wallet. Had to go allll the way back to get it. Then, later, as I'm coming home, I'll admit, I hit the gas a little to try and make the traffic light at the intersection by my house...it was still technically yellow as I started through it. It turned red about halfway through. So out of nowhere, about a minute later, this cop is behind me pulling me over. ALMOST right in front of my house. He comes up, says I ran a redlight, and I said it wasn't red when I started through it. He makes some snide comment of "Oh, you wanna ARGUE with ME? Cause I was sitting right there and saw the light turn green as you were going through the intersection..." and I start bawling my eyes out. He asks why I'm crying and I said I had the shittiest day EVER and my house was RIGHT THERE (as I point to it) and say "I just wanna GO HOME!" Luckily, he got another call, for something going on down the street, and he let me go. But not before telling me to not run redlights and not to drive 15 MPH over the speed limit (again, I think that is BULLSHIT).
Hm. It was back to work on Thursday.. Yee-haw. Three days off actually kind of sucked, cause I have no friends to spend time with anymore. Ginner's in Columbus, Lesley's in Kent, Sara and Dietrich had to work, and Tony had to work. I was lonely. Before going back to work Thursday, though, I locked myself out of the house on my way out. Yeah, had to climb through the back window to get my car keys and such so I could leave. I about killed myself, cause I had to climb on a chair to reach the window. Yup. Got bruises all over the damn place.
Got to work, and was in a shitty mood due to aforementioned accident, and the previous day of getting all my feelings stepped on by a certain someone. So I go to work, and I decide to be all unresponsive to him, just like he's done to me. I think it affected him pretty good, cause he looked way sad after my VERY short responses to the questions he asked. He just stood off to the side, with this heartbroken look on his face. Then, he didn't talk to me at 9:30 break or Midnight break (until I texted him telling him how upset I was---yes, like I said, I'm a fruitcake) I ended up crying at work cause I just felt like such shit, and so unimportant to his life. He ended up talking to me a bit at 2:30, and he looked waaay sad when I went to talk to him ( he was all cute about it too, he asked if he could "sit with me" cause I went outside) Then we continued our conversation at 5 am break, which made me feel much better, and then again as we left work. I do feel a lot better about the situation. And I do think that he wants a divorce, he just doesn't know how to go about doing it without feeling like he's totally abandoning his daughter. Then I go and heap all this extra stress on him. I asked him why he puts up with me, and he said cause he loves me so much.
He also said something that just made me melt, but I'll spare the details.
Needless to say, I miss being able to spend as much time with him as I used to--but I'll just have to adjust, and hope I can keep the faith that he will someday belong to just me.