pineapplefroot

The downside of being hypercritical of everyone else is that I am even more so of myself. I'm coming to terms with the fact that I really dislike who I am as a person. The issue is that I frequently find myself enumerating the reasons I really don't deserve to live. I won't recount even a partial list here, for several reasons, but I am constantly questioning whether I make life better or worse for people around me, or if I have any impact at all. The worst part of this situation is that when I get introspective, I begin to speak in strange patterns. I don't really have normal conversational habits anyway, which I can often laugh at, but when I end up in this headspace and people continue to laugh at it, it feels like they are clawing away at my soul- melodramatic, yes, but that is how it feels. And then the worst part is I get home and am short-tempered with Brad, who really doesn't deserve to get the butt end of a minor crisis, particularly when he is one of the strongest forces helping me deal with it.

Time for bed, work early in the AM (through late in the PM).