Anxiety is something that I have struggled for a long time now. I have let it control a lot of my decisions in life. One of the main reasons for my anxiety is the future. The future is unpredictable and it is scary. There are going to be things that I have no control over and that freaks me out.
During my senior year of high school I was really stressed out because I did not know what I want to do with my life. 18 years old and they expect us to choose our career. I don't know what I was going to wear the next day so how the fuck was I supposed to pick a career. I decided to go to community college and start working on my degree for Mechanical Engineering. I started taking classes and I became even more stressed out and anxious. Chemistry was one of the hardest classes I have ever taken. Every time I was in that class I was just trying to survive. I would cry myself to sleep most of the time after trying to complete the homework. I would even have nightmares about my Chemistry class! I couldn't even escape it in my sleep!!! I just barely passed both Chemistry courses and I felt good after. My anxiety started to calm down and I felt like I could do it!
Then I started taking Physics. I was about three or four weeks into the school semester. I felt that anxiety and feeling of suffocation again. I decided to drop out for the semester and take a break. I didn't want to go through a whole semester of suffering just to still feel like I can't become an Engineer. I am taking a break and figuring it out. I don't know what the future holds, but I'm going to make sure I shape as much of it as I can. I am going to get the future I want even with all the unknowns. Even if it is not as an Engineer, I know that I can accomplish great things. I can feel it inside me.
