pillango

this was me. at one point.

i envy you, suicidegirls. i love that you embrace yourselves and each other. i wish i was able to let go to the point where i was comfortable sharing myself like that and living the lifestyle i so crave sometimes. other times i feel like i have no choice but to hold back. i'm going to be a high school teacher in a year. shit, man. i'm going to be responsible for the education of the future. i don't know if i'm even educated enough to educate.

i want to lead a bohemean, debaucherous life while i still can. i want to travel and experience as much as i can. i want to go to france and live there for a year at least. i'm not ready to be mlle s., the french teacher yet. will i ever be ready for that, i wonder.

i'm crushing on too many and too hard to be settled down and married, which i pretty much am. yet i cannot imagine leaving him to be with anyone else. i guess i want to have my cake and eat it too. i like being with girls. i want to be with more girls, dammit.

i wish i could attend some sg events and meet some of the beautiful people from here.

current mood: conflicted
current music: modest mouse - the view