pilar

it's like sometimes it doesnt matter how many times people praise you or your efforts...
or how many times people tell you that you are a beautiful girl...
sometimes you just feel like shit no matter what...
for the last month i've been stressed out beyong belief...
for alot of my life i didn't ever feel like i had a reason to call myself punk rock...
i had tons of punk rock ideals, but my family life was peachy, and i've always had anything i've ever wanted or needed...
i feel at such a loss lately...
i feel alot of that lonliness that people say they feel...
and that stupid feeling of not knowing what the hell is going on with me...
did i mention the moodswings are making me crazy!
up one day...down the next...
it's enough to make a girl think shes insane!!!
on top of the fact that i am notorious for building things up in my head....
i find something and fixate on it, and imagine everything that could possibly go right...
then when that shit doesnt turn out....i don't know how to handle it...
and did i mention i haven't talked to my dad in what seems like ions...
which, if you knew me, would seem ultra weird to you...
i know it seems ultra weird to me....
i feel sick...mentally and physically,,,,
it's one of those i feel
fat...sick...annoyed...depressed...upset...shitty days..
and TERROR is the soundtrack to my life right now!