Blimey, I didn't realise that I hadn't been active on this site for almost a year! Not that I was terribly active before!
As i like living vicariously through other peoples lives since I have none of my own, I feel it's only fair to spill my life onto the page. Especially as it's unlikely that anyone will read it- anyone I know anyway!
I am in a transitional part of my life at the moment, which is never good at this time. Why do I always feel so transitional at the very moment the school holidays start and I don;t have a minutes peace, let alone the space and calm I need, or feel I need, to get myself together and move forward.
If anyone is out there reading this, I would appreciate any comments on this situation.
I met a guy at my friends wedding, she has know him for over ten years, he's a great guy.
We kiss, he comes back to my house, we both decide we don't want to have sex we don't even say we'll wait, we just don't feel in the head space to be having sex with anyone. I, personally, haven't (at that point) had sex in two years, after being with a guy for six years and having two children with him.
R, we shall call this new guy from the wedding. We spend the next few days together, he meets my children, we hang out together perfectly nicely..
He lives 144 miles away - that's a 3 hour train journey for me. He drives. He can come down on the friday and leave on the monday because he works nights, when I go there I can only stay for one night.
This guy is just like me, we like the same things, we are on the same wave length mentally. We enjoy eachothers company, talk constantly, are attracted to each other. We can say anything we like to eachother, that we would fear other people would think gross or just too much.
He has a week off work, he brings his son, all out children get on well together, they stay at my house for almost a week, we go to theme parks, have picnics.
And then we realised we did really want to have sex. Now, don't get me wrong, the sex was fine. But, I thought that when you get together with a guy for the first time aren't you supposed to be raging for eachother? That's what I remember from my youth, but in the 2 months we were together we only had sex four times. So maybe he just wan't as hot for me as I was for him.
I go to see him three weeks later, we have a blast. Until the morning. I am a morning person. We didn't get to sleep until 3, I am bright eyed and bushy tailed by 630 and trying to rouse him.
He is pissed at me for not letting him sleep, he is pissed at me for wanting too much of his attention, annoyed that I'm pestering for sex, for me not wanting to get up when he finally wakes up at 930, and for complaining later on the beach that we chould have got up earlier so we could have been on the beach more.
I don't get pissed off, I feel a little bit of my heart dies when he jokingly tells me to fuck off when I'm touching his face while he is sleeping. Another bit of me wants to scream at him when he grabs my phone when he finally does wake up and starts playing games on it! I feel sick and not very secure in the relationship, not feeling very wanted in the room at all.
I push it all back, the way I do, though I am quieter for a while. We have a pleasant time at the beach, I don't want to go home but I have to get my train back.
I leave on the saturday, he's talking about the stuff we will do when I next visit.
We talk on the phone, he says he doesn't know if he'll be able to afford to visit this month as he has been signed off work for three weeks - thats fine as mutual friends have already said they are going up and are taking me anyway. He talks about the possibility that he has found a new place to live in Bournemouth that is where his son lives and all his friends.
And then nothing. I try to call him - he doesn't pick up, I leave a message on his home number (he does lose his mobile alot) I send texts. Nothing. It has been a month now since I last heard from him. I know that it's obviously over. I do not understand.
He is just like me but an older, been around the block, has less responsibilities and is a male me.
That he feels we have no future, He wouldn't be able to cope ever with having two kids running round living with him
Or he's just gone off me - buthe said he had never felt so comfortable and connected to a person, just after a few days! Why say that!
I do not like this feeling, I don not understand him at all.
Here we are all happy, why I torture myself by posting it online I don't know, maybe it will be theraputic.
As i like living vicariously through other peoples lives since I have none of my own, I feel it's only fair to spill my life onto the page. Especially as it's unlikely that anyone will read it- anyone I know anyway!
I am in a transitional part of my life at the moment, which is never good at this time. Why do I always feel so transitional at the very moment the school holidays start and I don;t have a minutes peace, let alone the space and calm I need, or feel I need, to get myself together and move forward.
If anyone is out there reading this, I would appreciate any comments on this situation.
I met a guy at my friends wedding, she has know him for over ten years, he's a great guy.
We kiss, he comes back to my house, we both decide we don't want to have sex we don't even say we'll wait, we just don't feel in the head space to be having sex with anyone. I, personally, haven't (at that point) had sex in two years, after being with a guy for six years and having two children with him.
R, we shall call this new guy from the wedding. We spend the next few days together, he meets my children, we hang out together perfectly nicely..
He lives 144 miles away - that's a 3 hour train journey for me. He drives. He can come down on the friday and leave on the monday because he works nights, when I go there I can only stay for one night.
This guy is just like me, we like the same things, we are on the same wave length mentally. We enjoy eachothers company, talk constantly, are attracted to each other. We can say anything we like to eachother, that we would fear other people would think gross or just too much.
He has a week off work, he brings his son, all out children get on well together, they stay at my house for almost a week, we go to theme parks, have picnics.
And then we realised we did really want to have sex. Now, don't get me wrong, the sex was fine. But, I thought that when you get together with a guy for the first time aren't you supposed to be raging for eachother? That's what I remember from my youth, but in the 2 months we were together we only had sex four times. So maybe he just wan't as hot for me as I was for him.
I go to see him three weeks later, we have a blast. Until the morning. I am a morning person. We didn't get to sleep until 3, I am bright eyed and bushy tailed by 630 and trying to rouse him.
He is pissed at me for not letting him sleep, he is pissed at me for wanting too much of his attention, annoyed that I'm pestering for sex, for me not wanting to get up when he finally wakes up at 930, and for complaining later on the beach that we chould have got up earlier so we could have been on the beach more.
I don't get pissed off, I feel a little bit of my heart dies when he jokingly tells me to fuck off when I'm touching his face while he is sleeping. Another bit of me wants to scream at him when he grabs my phone when he finally does wake up and starts playing games on it! I feel sick and not very secure in the relationship, not feeling very wanted in the room at all.
I push it all back, the way I do, though I am quieter for a while. We have a pleasant time at the beach, I don't want to go home but I have to get my train back.
I leave on the saturday, he's talking about the stuff we will do when I next visit.
We talk on the phone, he says he doesn't know if he'll be able to afford to visit this month as he has been signed off work for three weeks - thats fine as mutual friends have already said they are going up and are taking me anyway. He talks about the possibility that he has found a new place to live in Bournemouth that is where his son lives and all his friends.
And then nothing. I try to call him - he doesn't pick up, I leave a message on his home number (he does lose his mobile alot) I send texts. Nothing. It has been a month now since I last heard from him. I know that it's obviously over. I do not understand.
He is just like me but an older, been around the block, has less responsibilities and is a male me.
That he feels we have no future, He wouldn't be able to cope ever with having two kids running round living with him
Or he's just gone off me - buthe said he had never felt so comfortable and connected to a person, just after a few days! Why say that!
I do not like this feeling, I don not understand him at all.
Here we are all happy, why I torture myself by posting it online I don't know, maybe it will be theraputic.
Only you know what to do!!
Sorry, that was absolutely no help whatsoever
I am unlucky to have the whole two minds going on, the one that says I want to call him and for him to call me, the other that says I don't want ot be with a guy who's capable of ignoring someone for a month, I've probably had a lucky escape as he had a ton of emotional baggage.
I am lucky that it is out of my hands, hard to get answers if someone is ignoring you. The next time I see our mutual friend I'm kinda dredding it, I know that she is having difficulty getting in touch with him to - but aparantly he is always like that. I'm fine with the basic 'are you still seeing r" question with straight forward 'no', put if i'm pushed I'll start blubbing. I will also be wondering if she has spoken to him whether he mentioned me, but I would dred it if the answer was something like I was too keen or clingy - i don't know, how can you be clingy living 144 miles away, and if you only see someone every couple of weeks how are you supposed to not be keen. I have a month before we have our meet up to prepare myself and be over it. We shall see. ha ha