well, it's almost officially one month by dates since my first post on this site. That co-incides with the day of the breakup of course.
So for the last 4 weeks, I kept hearing the very last words I ever said to her echoing in my head.
They weren't the "i don't want to be in a relationship" ones. They were the ones I said...
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So for the last 4 weeks, I kept hearing the very last words I ever said to her echoing in my head.
They weren't the "i don't want to be in a relationship" ones. They were the ones I said...
Read More
VIEW 16 of 16 COMMENTS
Well, this has set me back a few weeks. Damn.
y'see, I have a 'thing' for nurses. Not real nurses in real medical environments, but nurses of the latex variety. I can't begin to explain where that comes from, and I don't even really consider myself a "player" in the whole BDSM thing. I'm not a top or a bottom, and I don't align myself...
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y'see, I have a 'thing' for nurses. Not real nurses in real medical environments, but nurses of the latex variety. I can't begin to explain where that comes from, and I don't even really consider myself a "player" in the whole BDSM thing. I'm not a top or a bottom, and I don't align myself...
Read More
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
rubysparkle:
I'm selling at the West End market this coming Saturday, the 21st. I usually don't get to check out all the vendors selling the same day as me so I often miss out on great stuff.
bluechild:
daaaaaaaaaamnn
daaaaaaaaaamnnI'm thinking it's time for some new ink.
I got my first tattoo 18 years ago. I was 18.
It was a dinky little yin/yang on my left shoulder and it's always kinda bothered me due to its asymmetric faults.
Obviously both sides should be exact opposites of the other, but the artist that did it kinda fucked it up by using black ink to...
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I got my first tattoo 18 years ago. I was 18.
It was a dinky little yin/yang on my left shoulder and it's always kinda bothered me due to its asymmetric faults.
Obviously both sides should be exact opposites of the other, but the artist that did it kinda fucked it up by using black ink to...
Read More
endedben:
Thank you so much for the wonderful advice. It's so appreciated. 
sirenblu7:
Ohhhhhhhhhhh I Love Great Danes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Had a Blk female named Marie Antoniet or just Tony for short...God how i miss that girl!!!
Now i have the ultra oppsite in a lil blk Pug Named Miss Zoe'Blu...& She a Holy Terror!!!!
As for your getting dog's paw print tattooed might i say that is Simply an AWSOME Idea!!!
I once had a cat that lived to be 24 years old and yes i had her all of those 24yr's
She was such an amazingly cool creature and when she succumed to cancer i went and had her paw print tattooed in to my sternum (See picture below)
We used Black ink that was mixed with her ashes.
You see i had brought her in to this world when i was just an 8 year old and had to take her out when i was 26...
I Guess tattooing her ashes in to my body just seemed minor after that.
Anyhoo thank's for poping in to my journal space
Oh and PS....
Paint his paw with blk acrylic paint and have him walk on a piece of paper i used butcher paper.
Than they can make an Exact copy or transfer of his paw to tattoo.
Ciao~SB7
[Edited on Aug 14, 2004 5:33PM]
Had a Blk female named Marie Antoniet or just Tony for short...God how i miss that girl!!!
Now i have the ultra oppsite in a lil blk Pug Named Miss Zoe'Blu...& She a Holy Terror!!!!
As for your getting dog's paw print tattooed might i say that is Simply an AWSOME Idea!!!
I once had a cat that lived to be 24 years old and yes i had her all of those 24yr's
She was such an amazingly cool creature and when she succumed to cancer i went and had her paw print tattooed in to my sternum (See picture below) We used Black ink that was mixed with her ashes.
You see i had brought her in to this world when i was just an 8 year old and had to take her out when i was 26...
I Guess tattooing her ashes in to my body just seemed minor after that.
Anyhoo thank's for poping in to my journal space
Oh and PS....
Paint his paw with blk acrylic paint and have him walk on a piece of paper i used butcher paper.
Than they can make an Exact copy or transfer of his paw to tattoo.
Ciao~SB7
[Edited on Aug 14, 2004 5:33PM]
I just got back from a few beers with one of my best friends that I've had since him and I used to work at Republik in Calgary back in like ... fuck... 1988.
He tells me that him and his girlfriend took my ex out for a belated birthday dinner last weekend, apparently she is doing ok. That makes me feel good I guess....
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He tells me that him and his girlfriend took my ex out for a belated birthday dinner last weekend, apparently she is doing ok. That makes me feel good I guess....
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
err:
way to much to read without pictures.... so
HI
Bye
HI
Bye
pica_pica:
well, it sure has helped my attitude a ton finding that old journal. I had conveniently forgotten so much crap that went on, and now that that is all fresh again in my mind, I am off on another tangent.
I guess the last few weeks, I was not exactly moving on. I did what I had to do with the breakup, and then stopped everything. Just stopped.
Everything is a helluva lot more clear now, if not a bit scary. There's alot of changes I wanna see around here.
On a bright note, MINISTRY IS COMING!
Yay! they are playing with My Life with the Thrill Kill Cult at the commodore Sept 30th.
[Edited on Aug 13, 2004 4:56PM]
I guess the last few weeks, I was not exactly moving on. I did what I had to do with the breakup, and then stopped everything. Just stopped.
Everything is a helluva lot more clear now, if not a bit scary. There's alot of changes I wanna see around here.
On a bright note, MINISTRY IS COMING!
Yay! they are playing with My Life with the Thrill Kill Cult at the commodore Sept 30th.
[Edited on Aug 13, 2004 4:56PM]
"neurosis is always a substitute for legitimate suffering"
rubysparkle:
I often refer to it as the crime train.
rubysparkle:
If I was free right now I head over to Lugs. But I'm not. I'm doing some live-in child care work until Saturday and I don't get my daily break until 3:30. Another time!
I just realized that for the entire past 7 days, I haven't thought a single negative thing about her. Is that me protecting her again? Still?
The only negative thing that I have thought about regarding her is the fear that now that she's alone she could be raped or killed or both. Protection.
I totally can't watch the news now if they mention another...
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The only negative thing that I have thought about regarding her is the fear that now that she's alone she could be raped or killed or both. Protection.
I totally can't watch the news now if they mention another...
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VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
pica_pica:
aw damn, that's where the quote button usually is!!
WHADDYA MEAN BALEEEEETED?
I just deleted RubySparkles post. meant to be clicking on the quote button. --Guess what, there ISN'T a quote button in your journal.
Meant to say Ruby, that that must have totally sucked for you. I think I'd be kind of angry in your position after that.
[Edited on Aug 10, 2004 11:24PM]
WHADDYA MEAN BALEEEEETED?
I just deleted RubySparkles post. meant to be clicking on the quote button. --Guess what, there ISN'T a quote button in your journal.
Meant to say Ruby, that that must have totally sucked for you. I think I'd be kind of angry in your position after that.
[Edited on Aug 10, 2004 11:24PM]
rubysparkle:
Yeah it sucked but that was a long time ago, it's done. Anyhow enjoy your hiding. Read a good book. And let me know when you want to go for coffee. 
sunday morning. looks beautiful out there today.
I had a mellow saturday night at home, which I suppose makes two mellow evenings at home, or a mellow weekend alone at home.... whatever.
Last night was the "celebration of light" down here in the west end. Every summer they have fireworks on Wednesday and Saturday for 2.5 weeks, and the numbers I heard were 500,000 people...
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I had a mellow saturday night at home, which I suppose makes two mellow evenings at home, or a mellow weekend alone at home.... whatever.
Last night was the "celebration of light" down here in the west end. Every summer they have fireworks on Wednesday and Saturday for 2.5 weeks, and the numbers I heard were 500,000 people...
Read More
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
bluechild:
i wish i could do/say something to help you 
err:
you knockin ole english?
dems fightin werds.
dems fightin werds.
I never needed you more than when I needed to stop needing you.
Just dawned on me that it's entirely possible that what i am dealing with here is the slaughter of the codependency. The harder this gets, the more I want/need to have what's always been there for my support.
BACK! BACK! beast.
Just dawned on me that it's entirely possible that what i am dealing with here is the slaughter of the codependency. The harder this gets, the more I want/need to have what's always been there for my support.
BACK! BACK! beast.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
err:
Try stabbing something. That always helps get me through the day.
pica_pica:
yeah, i think in the 12 years that just passed, this is a record.
We've been through this before. A few times. This time is different though. I'd say like 90% of the relationship was amazing, but that last 10% was so fucking important that it eventually ate through what was left of me.
That other 90% though, that always makes me want her as my friend, but it would appear as though we aren't able to do that. I think we have to maintain our distance to keep the strength.
I just got off a one hour phone call with my 'other' friend of the two that i've been close to over the last 15 years or so, and I feel way better at the moment.
feelin just fine right now, caught me at a good moment. Didn't even need to stab anything.
We've been through this before. A few times. This time is different though. I'd say like 90% of the relationship was amazing, but that last 10% was so fucking important that it eventually ate through what was left of me.
That other 90% though, that always makes me want her as my friend, but it would appear as though we aren't able to do that. I think we have to maintain our distance to keep the strength.
I just got off a one hour phone call with my 'other' friend of the two that i've been close to over the last 15 years or so, and I feel way better at the moment.
feelin just fine right now, caught me at a good moment. Didn't even need to stab anything.
Saturday morning here, 6:57 am.
Well, that was a Rocking friday night.
I'm thinking back to my July 28th entry, and I'm still feeling pretty fuckin alone with this thing. I took my dog out last night around 7:30 for the last of his outings for the day and of course the streets down here had plenty of couples and groups going somewhere out...
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Well, that was a Rocking friday night.
I'm thinking back to my July 28th entry, and I'm still feeling pretty fuckin alone with this thing. I took my dog out last night around 7:30 for the last of his outings for the day and of course the streets down here had plenty of couples and groups going somewhere out...
Read More
Don't beat yourself in the forehead too much about it. If after 12 years you could just walk away so easily... there would be a problem...more than trying to redefine yourself, by yourself.