There was never any chance of 'her' tripping across my posts on this site. At least I didn't think so.
I have been able to just come here and vent, think, hide, and yes, sometimes I even figure stuff out.
I've been totally honest, embarassingly so at times. I don't want to lose that, but I just realized that it's entirely possible that this URL...
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I have been able to just come here and vent, think, hide, and yes, sometimes I even figure stuff out.
I've been totally honest, embarassingly so at times. I don't want to lose that, but I just realized that it's entirely possible that this URL...
Read More
I was just taking a slow walk through the last 6 weeks of my journal, I guess trying to place myself on the map tonight. Where am I again? Howd I get here?
I started at the very first day, the day of the break up, and got as far as a post that I had started writing back in early August, it was a...
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I started at the very first day, the day of the break up, and got as far as a post that I had started writing back in early August, it was a...
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pffffffft.
What a nightmarish week that was. Man.
Thank god it's been a week now, that was some seriously painful shit to wade through.
Well, I remained unable to get any depth of honesty from him on this, and it became apparent to me that in all the times in the past when I doubted my intuition, when I disrespected its presence and rebelled, when...
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What a nightmarish week that was. Man.
Thank god it's been a week now, that was some seriously painful shit to wade through.
Well, I remained unable to get any depth of honesty from him on this, and it became apparent to me that in all the times in the past when I doubted my intuition, when I disrespected its presence and rebelled, when...
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wtf:
I'm going out to get that book today. Checked it out and read the first couple of pages on Amazon. Don't want to wait days for shipping. Hope I can get "B" to read it. Would be good for him and his Ego. If not I know I'll enjoy it. I know what you mean by only being able to absorb so much at a time.Crucial Conversations was a book I tried to get him to read during a strike situation at his work and ended up reading myself and got a lot out of. Almost seems like you've already read it....
Preschool age, somewhere between 4 and maybe 6, I can remember telling my mom about the cartoons I see in my head, how they show me things at the end of a long tunnel, but sometimes the movies show too fast and I can't see what they are. There is a weird feeling that comes with them, that I end up calling 'the cartoon feeling'....
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
bluechild:
i'm only gonna give you this :*
anything else, just doesnt matter
anything else, just doesnt matter
wtf:
the little flash of pic! 
Nobody's life is entirely free of pain and sorrow. Isn't it a question of learning to live with them rather than trying to avoid them?
The greater part of human pain is unnecessary. It is self-created as long as the unobserved mind runs your life.
The pain that you create now is always some form of nonacceptance, some form of unconscious resistance to what is....
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The greater part of human pain is unnecessary. It is self-created as long as the unobserved mind runs your life.
The pain that you create now is always some form of nonacceptance, some form of unconscious resistance to what is....
Read More
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
sluttygoodgirl:
Thank you for your post. Man, I know about those images in your head. They come at me at the worst times - well, I guess there could never be a "good" time to have to think about those things. I just don't understand how he could do that. What does it mean for us? About his feelings for me? What has it done to my feelings for him?
I know you are right about the pain of betrayal subsiding...but it seems so far away at the moment. So many thoughts and feelings that need to be explored and sorted through, and it takes time. I often just want to RUN as fast as I can away from here. But I know that won't take away the pain. I wish I could be sure what is going to happen, it's the not knowing that can be so hard sometimes too. What you said at the end of your post rings so true for me.....already we have learned so much about each other, and ourselves through all that has happened. I just hope we can come out on the other side with our family intact, and a way for all of us to be happy.
I know you are right about the pain of betrayal subsiding...but it seems so far away at the moment. So many thoughts and feelings that need to be explored and sorted through, and it takes time. I often just want to RUN as fast as I can away from here. But I know that won't take away the pain. I wish I could be sure what is going to happen, it's the not knowing that can be so hard sometimes too. What you said at the end of your post rings so true for me.....already we have learned so much about each other, and ourselves through all that has happened. I just hope we can come out on the other side with our family intact, and a way for all of us to be happy.
Just got back from the gym and picked up my hand written journal to vent a bit. I had gone to the gym with the idea in my head that I was NOT going to think. I was simply going to be completely absorbed by every exercise. I was going to be concentrating solely on the sensation inside each muscle as it went through the...
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wtf:
"The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when
we created them."
- Albert Einstein
Shed your skin. Recreate your definition of reality. That's one thing that is truly ours and we don't even have to share it with others, at least people we don't want to. Who said the crazy person's idea of reality is any less real to them than yours is to you? Some people just put a lot less thought into change than others so it just seems easier from the outside. Create your core anew. It's your future. You only get so much time after all.
Best wishes.
we created them."
- Albert Einstein
Shed your skin. Recreate your definition of reality. That's one thing that is truly ours and we don't even have to share it with others, at least people we don't want to. Who said the crazy person's idea of reality is any less real to them than yours is to you? Some people just put a lot less thought into change than others so it just seems easier from the outside. Create your core anew. It's your future. You only get so much time after all.
Best wishes.
pica_pica:
Thats a great quote. very timely, thanks!
I still don't know where that all came from, and after I wrote it I was not entirely sure if maybe it was meant for me.
I mean, i TRY to live like that, but it's very very difficult to be sure that you aren't somehow still seeing a skewed view.
As far as sharing our reality with others, I don't think that's entirely possible, due to so much personal shit that happens to all of us through our lives.
I guess I meant that if my loved ones don't seem to try to be a bit introspective at times, and take a look at themselves, and also go through difficult periods of growth while suffering all the pains of the shedding of their old self, ... it somehow widens a chasm between myself and them. Like we have less and less to relate to in conversation.
I still don't know where that all came from, and after I wrote it I was not entirely sure if maybe it was meant for me.
I mean, i TRY to live like that, but it's very very difficult to be sure that you aren't somehow still seeing a skewed view.
As far as sharing our reality with others, I don't think that's entirely possible, due to so much personal shit that happens to all of us through our lives.
I guess I meant that if my loved ones don't seem to try to be a bit introspective at times, and take a look at themselves, and also go through difficult periods of growth while suffering all the pains of the shedding of their old self, ... it somehow widens a chasm between myself and them. Like we have less and less to relate to in conversation.
I may keep on the downlow with the updates for a while or something. Originally, when I joined, I was finding this somewhat therapeutic. I enjoyed the writing, and found it all rather entertaining, fun.
Well, gotta say this week kinda turned away from that, and it's just not fun anymore.
When I first started writing on here a month ago, I did so knowing...
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Well, gotta say this week kinda turned away from that, and it's just not fun anymore.
When I first started writing on here a month ago, I did so knowing...
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well, yay for me, home from work.
Just got back from a drink with rubysparkle and that was really great to get out and talk. Didn't say that at the time.
Keeping busy with work today really helped me keep my mind off things, but coming home now to this apartment, I find that it really throws my mind into a loop.
Anybody have any...
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Just got back from a drink with rubysparkle and that was really great to get out and talk. Didn't say that at the time.
Keeping busy with work today really helped me keep my mind off things, but coming home now to this apartment, I find that it really throws my mind into a loop.
Anybody have any...
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Good morning ANGER, You sleep ok? I heard you wrestling around with the sheets for a good part of the night, and when I woke up a couple times to look over at you, you were still just staring at the ceiling.
Well come on sleepyhead, up and at 'em... how do you take your coffee?
I finally dreamt of her. I have been surprisingly...
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VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
wtf:
I see what you mean, when there are pets involved it's complicated. Especially with new facts developing.
Maybe she will come around when she can, but maybe it's too soon. For her, or for you both. I was just going through the same kind of situation. I knew I would have to take the pets/kids (I say kids because come on, that's pretty much how we feel when we don't have kids). For her to walk away and not even care, yeah BE pissed. Is it possible she's using the lack of care for your dog to hurt you? Would you confuse her care and concern for the dog as care and concern for you and the relationship? Has she always been so all or nothing? Once I get the facts and my head around something I tend to be so myself even if my heart is conflicted which might be a woman thing, I'm not sure.
Maybe she will come around when she can, but maybe it's too soon. For her, or for you both. I was just going through the same kind of situation. I knew I would have to take the pets/kids (I say kids because come on, that's pretty much how we feel when we don't have kids). For her to walk away and not even care, yeah BE pissed. Is it possible she's using the lack of care for your dog to hurt you? Would you confuse her care and concern for the dog as care and concern for you and the relationship? Has she always been so all or nothing? Once I get the facts and my head around something I tend to be so myself even if my heart is conflicted which might be a woman thing, I'm not sure.
machiavel:
Luckily there is not a dog involved in my break-up. I too was in a relationship with a woman that had an off switch.......it could be quite cruel at times.......for the last year she has been using the off switch now and again...which was quite painful for me.....I do think about her and unfortunately I have to talk to her to sort out apartment things.......but I hear you 
hmm.
home from work now.
it's getting kinda messy in here, and my apartment could use a tidying up as well.
Perhaps it really was a set back. I sure don't know where I'm at today.
There's been no feedback in any shape or form from the letter. I guess I should have prepared for that nothingness.
Currently envying her sudden strength.
____________
this entry...
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home from work now.
it's getting kinda messy in here, and my apartment could use a tidying up as well.
Perhaps it really was a set back. I sure don't know where I'm at today.
There's been no feedback in any shape or form from the letter. I guess I should have prepared for that nothingness.
Currently envying her sudden strength.
____________
this entry...
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VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
rubysparkle:
Are the car jackers from Surrey?
antiprincess:
I am totally enthralled with your writings, seeing as I'm going through a break-up myself, although it is a very different situation. Anyways, I keep ending up reading your journals in marathon stints, so I would like to add you as a friend so I can keep up day-to-day.