Three relatively strange and major things happened to me today. None related to the other, and each in their own little clique of strangeness.
I get to work this morning just on time. Come in the back door, nod smile and say my mornin comrades to my work mates as I walk through the warehouse. As usual, they fart at me as I walk past.
I have no idea how those guys are so flatuantly timely, its like they went to fart school theyre like a Tom Green Barber shop quartet.
Anyways, I leave them to that and get into my little programming room under the stairs, log into my workstation, go hang up my coat, and finally sit down at my system like I should be cracking my knuckles n everything, when Krug comes in and tells me that we have to go out to a clients house because theres some issues with the security pages that control the car gates to the estate. Something about how the touchpanels are saying the gates are closed when theyre actually open and vice-versa.
I put my coat back on, log out of my work station and grab the shitty little laptop I have to use when I am onsite, and him and I jump into one of the white, windowless pedophile vans to drive out to UBC. We come up to a 4 way stop just a block from the shop, and a Jag pulls up from the street to our right. The woman driving it is probably in her 60s, grey hair tied back and tight, too much rouge, and tight black leather gloves are covering up her probably arthritic, bony knuckles clutching that steering wheel. The car is one of those nice older Jags from the late 60s, all long and boxy and shiny grey. Then I notice the personalized license plate.
ZEAL
Ok. Even writing that gives me fuckin goosebumps. Two nights ago I had that dream about all those people wearing the white shirts with nothing but the word ZEAL on them.
Cowinkydink? Maybe, but it still freaked me out.
Zeal n. (z l)
Enthusiastic devotion to a cause, ideal, or goal and tireless diligence in its furtherance
an earnest temper; may be enlightened (Num. 25:11-13; 2 Cor. 7:11; 9:2), or
ignorant and misdirected (Rom. 10:2; Phil. 3:6). As a Christian grace, it must
be grounded on right principles and directed to right ends (Gal. 4:18). It is
sometimes ascribed to God (2 Kings 19:31; Isa. 9:7; 37:32; Ezek. 5:13).
Dont know what thats about, but it feels like it should be about something. In a way, the definition of zeal is what I was for most of the last 5 months. My earnest temper, I like that.
But when I finally broke. At the end of last month, when I received those emails, I dont think my good guy won out. I found myself unable to respond to any of her emails after that. Admittedly, I was devastated by the cruelty of those words, but I didnt want to react to that devastation. I wanted to be the guy that would STILL walk up and smile, hand off the leash etc.
Anyways, I somehow lost that, and I dont feel good about not being able to face her or her mother. I cant though. I just cant see those people. Thats why I cancelled my flight to Alberta.
I could look at this ZEAL thing and imagine that it is something out there telling me to not lose myself here, dont revert, dont forget.
I kinda see it that way, but I suppose it could still be coincidence.
Aw man. I just cant write right now. My brain is all over the place.
there were two more very strange things that occured today.
I get to work this morning just on time. Come in the back door, nod smile and say my mornin comrades to my work mates as I walk through the warehouse. As usual, they fart at me as I walk past.
I have no idea how those guys are so flatuantly timely, its like they went to fart school theyre like a Tom Green Barber shop quartet.
Anyways, I leave them to that and get into my little programming room under the stairs, log into my workstation, go hang up my coat, and finally sit down at my system like I should be cracking my knuckles n everything, when Krug comes in and tells me that we have to go out to a clients house because theres some issues with the security pages that control the car gates to the estate. Something about how the touchpanels are saying the gates are closed when theyre actually open and vice-versa.
I put my coat back on, log out of my work station and grab the shitty little laptop I have to use when I am onsite, and him and I jump into one of the white, windowless pedophile vans to drive out to UBC. We come up to a 4 way stop just a block from the shop, and a Jag pulls up from the street to our right. The woman driving it is probably in her 60s, grey hair tied back and tight, too much rouge, and tight black leather gloves are covering up her probably arthritic, bony knuckles clutching that steering wheel. The car is one of those nice older Jags from the late 60s, all long and boxy and shiny grey. Then I notice the personalized license plate.
ZEAL
Ok. Even writing that gives me fuckin goosebumps. Two nights ago I had that dream about all those people wearing the white shirts with nothing but the word ZEAL on them.
Cowinkydink? Maybe, but it still freaked me out.
Zeal n. (z l)
Enthusiastic devotion to a cause, ideal, or goal and tireless diligence in its furtherance
an earnest temper; may be enlightened (Num. 25:11-13; 2 Cor. 7:11; 9:2), or
ignorant and misdirected (Rom. 10:2; Phil. 3:6). As a Christian grace, it must
be grounded on right principles and directed to right ends (Gal. 4:18). It is
sometimes ascribed to God (2 Kings 19:31; Isa. 9:7; 37:32; Ezek. 5:13).
Dont know what thats about, but it feels like it should be about something. In a way, the definition of zeal is what I was for most of the last 5 months. My earnest temper, I like that.
But when I finally broke. At the end of last month, when I received those emails, I dont think my good guy won out. I found myself unable to respond to any of her emails after that. Admittedly, I was devastated by the cruelty of those words, but I didnt want to react to that devastation. I wanted to be the guy that would STILL walk up and smile, hand off the leash etc.
Anyways, I somehow lost that, and I dont feel good about not being able to face her or her mother. I cant though. I just cant see those people. Thats why I cancelled my flight to Alberta.
I could look at this ZEAL thing and imagine that it is something out there telling me to not lose myself here, dont revert, dont forget.
I kinda see it that way, but I suppose it could still be coincidence.
Aw man. I just cant write right now. My brain is all over the place.
there were two more very strange things that occured today.
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:*:*
i want to wish you a very happy christmas, filled with love and good thoughts, and an amazing new year to come... thank you for being my friend
The Dude abides.