How Ironic it is for suicidegirls to be responsible for a life saving. Thanks you guys, and you know who you are.
I have been completely living my life over in CBC land as of late. Every morning I get up at 4:30 am, turn on the receiver to CBC radio, light about 8 candles and sit down at my little wooden writing desk in the corner to write. I have been trying to do this now for the last 4 months, and I go through great spurts where I keep it up every day for about a week. Then, however, something nasty goes down and I seem to lose focus. I falter, flounder, flail and a whole buncha other f words. Then it seems to take me about 4 days to get back up and sit down at that desk again. Funny animation to watch on fast fwd, but a painfully slow motion art film to live.
That party we went to last weekend was most of the crew from CBCs Zed. I didnt know anything about Zed before that, so on November the 1st, I went and checked the site out. Once I found that website, Ive been consistently lost in its content. Its absolutely amazing how much stuff is in there. Fuck I love being Canadian sometimes.. well, actually I love being Canadian all the time, but sometimes I just notice it more. Zed makes me notice.
Anyways, that was a really yucky week. What its resulted in, I believe, is me finally being stripped down to the core. The last shreds that were hanging off my frame here of who I used to be have now been unceremoniously ripped from me.
I dont see it as some beautiful Buddhist shedding of the ego however, because I imagine I have been desperately clutching my ego in these last few weeks as though it was the very last thing I had. Yessss my preciousssss ego.
Over the last 36 hours, I am coming through to the other side here, opening my eyes I guess and looking around. Chrysalis slime on my steering wheel, and I am blinking.
So yeah, its painful, but at the same time, that last little shred of who I was has left me here with a full understanding of the fact that I am starting from scratch here, and it actually feels a little bit like a newfound freedom. Somewhat inspired to do the things I always wanted to do but never got around to doing. Writing being one of them, and I found a 6 week weekend only course here at SFU that I want to register for. It starts in January. I have yet to find out if it is too late to register, but its a start.
Ok, well I am totally going to make myself some African groundnut stew today. Im going out for a haircut and then grocery shopping.
I have been completely living my life over in CBC land as of late. Every morning I get up at 4:30 am, turn on the receiver to CBC radio, light about 8 candles and sit down at my little wooden writing desk in the corner to write. I have been trying to do this now for the last 4 months, and I go through great spurts where I keep it up every day for about a week. Then, however, something nasty goes down and I seem to lose focus. I falter, flounder, flail and a whole buncha other f words. Then it seems to take me about 4 days to get back up and sit down at that desk again. Funny animation to watch on fast fwd, but a painfully slow motion art film to live.
That party we went to last weekend was most of the crew from CBCs Zed. I didnt know anything about Zed before that, so on November the 1st, I went and checked the site out. Once I found that website, Ive been consistently lost in its content. Its absolutely amazing how much stuff is in there. Fuck I love being Canadian sometimes.. well, actually I love being Canadian all the time, but sometimes I just notice it more. Zed makes me notice.
Anyways, that was a really yucky week. What its resulted in, I believe, is me finally being stripped down to the core. The last shreds that were hanging off my frame here of who I used to be have now been unceremoniously ripped from me.
I dont see it as some beautiful Buddhist shedding of the ego however, because I imagine I have been desperately clutching my ego in these last few weeks as though it was the very last thing I had. Yessss my preciousssss ego.
Over the last 36 hours, I am coming through to the other side here, opening my eyes I guess and looking around. Chrysalis slime on my steering wheel, and I am blinking.
So yeah, its painful, but at the same time, that last little shred of who I was has left me here with a full understanding of the fact that I am starting from scratch here, and it actually feels a little bit like a newfound freedom. Somewhat inspired to do the things I always wanted to do but never got around to doing. Writing being one of them, and I found a 6 week weekend only course here at SFU that I want to register for. It starts in January. I have yet to find out if it is too late to register, but its a start.
Ok, well I am totally going to make myself some African groundnut stew today. Im going out for a haircut and then grocery shopping.
wtf:
Have fun out and aboot! 