Wednesday. Hump day, but there'll be no humpin goin on in this monasterial abode.
Man, it's really quite amazing how many facets there can be to brain tricks when you find yourself playing out the solo boardgame called BreakUp!
Now Superific with the new Pop-o-matic Bubble!!!
(oh my god, i just noticed the possible metaphor in the coldplay lyrics for "Trouble"...
!! ?
)
So I twist and turn,
Here I am in my little bubble,
Singing, I never meant to cause you trouble,
I never meant to do you wrong,
And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,
Although I never meant to do you harm.
--I hate it when you find a new band and fall in love with them, only to watch them grow immensely popular. Somehow it takes away your special love for them, but that song is still one of my guilty pleasures.
___________________
so I just rolled a 3, which has landed me on the blue 'pick up a card' square.
Hesitantly, I grab the card off the top of the deck, pulling it close to my chest before turning it over so nobody else can see.
Damn, it's the 'you get asked out for drinks' card. FUCK. Why couldn't it be the emotional lobotomy card? I NEVER get the emotional lobotomy card. This games rigged!
I glance around, everybody's waiting. I look at my card again, still holding it close and out of view of everybody. It's still the same card. damn.
So magpie, it's your move already, comon man, we haven't got all life. What are you going to do?
First kneejerk reaction here is to use my card shredder token. To pass. but that would be cheating.
No wait, going out for drinks would be cheating. Is that what I am thinking here? it is, isn't it? damn, it really is.
Somewhere in this brain, I still feel committed to her.
I couldn't figure out at first what I should do. Yesterday I had a couple of different occasions pop up where the possibility of going out and actually talking to new people over coffee or drinks was proposed. On both occasions my first reaction was to say no. One of y'all will know who I am talking about.
I realize that I have left somebody 'out there' that is probably really really hurting right now and just the thought of that makes me want to stay inside my apartment and not meet or talk to anybody. I know that she is probably picturing me doing that, (and probably picturing me doing alot more than that, as well) a lot. Crazy, I know, I can't be living my life for her anymore but I think of me going out and the very next thought that pops up is that it would just twist the knife I've left in her heart a little bit more if she knew. I probably don't want to think about the shoe being on the other foot either.
It dawned on me with the dawn today that that is so oldschool. In the past, I would never go out for friendly chat and a drink with new people -- male or female, to avoid the inevitable onslaught of questions and distrust facing me afterwords. We both locked eachother down and away from that possibility and now here I am almost a month later still living my life for her.
Pavlov would be proud. Classical conditioning.
My intentions are honourable. I know that I am completely not looking for a quick shag, that is so totally out of the question for me. My netherregions seem to have put themselves into a cryogenic freeze. "do not open till xmas" it says on my zipper. So why the fuck not?
On the one hand, I unhealthily don't want to ever walk past a cafe one day and see her sitting with another man. Well I can certainly recognize that that's fucked because I also totally want her to do that. I want her to live.
So I'm gonna lay this card down face up.
Man, it's really quite amazing how many facets there can be to brain tricks when you find yourself playing out the solo boardgame called BreakUp!
Now Superific with the new Pop-o-matic Bubble!!!
(oh my god, i just noticed the possible metaphor in the coldplay lyrics for "Trouble"...
!! ?
)
So I twist and turn,
Here I am in my little bubble,
Singing, I never meant to cause you trouble,
I never meant to do you wrong,
And I, well if I ever caused you trouble,
Although I never meant to do you harm.
--I hate it when you find a new band and fall in love with them, only to watch them grow immensely popular. Somehow it takes away your special love for them, but that song is still one of my guilty pleasures.
___________________
so I just rolled a 3, which has landed me on the blue 'pick up a card' square.
Hesitantly, I grab the card off the top of the deck, pulling it close to my chest before turning it over so nobody else can see.
Damn, it's the 'you get asked out for drinks' card. FUCK. Why couldn't it be the emotional lobotomy card? I NEVER get the emotional lobotomy card. This games rigged!
I glance around, everybody's waiting. I look at my card again, still holding it close and out of view of everybody. It's still the same card. damn.
So magpie, it's your move already, comon man, we haven't got all life. What are you going to do?
First kneejerk reaction here is to use my card shredder token. To pass. but that would be cheating.
No wait, going out for drinks would be cheating. Is that what I am thinking here? it is, isn't it? damn, it really is.
Somewhere in this brain, I still feel committed to her.
I couldn't figure out at first what I should do. Yesterday I had a couple of different occasions pop up where the possibility of going out and actually talking to new people over coffee or drinks was proposed. On both occasions my first reaction was to say no. One of y'all will know who I am talking about.
I realize that I have left somebody 'out there' that is probably really really hurting right now and just the thought of that makes me want to stay inside my apartment and not meet or talk to anybody. I know that she is probably picturing me doing that, (and probably picturing me doing alot more than that, as well) a lot. Crazy, I know, I can't be living my life for her anymore but I think of me going out and the very next thought that pops up is that it would just twist the knife I've left in her heart a little bit more if she knew. I probably don't want to think about the shoe being on the other foot either.
It dawned on me with the dawn today that that is so oldschool. In the past, I would never go out for friendly chat and a drink with new people -- male or female, to avoid the inevitable onslaught of questions and distrust facing me afterwords. We both locked eachother down and away from that possibility and now here I am almost a month later still living my life for her.
Pavlov would be proud. Classical conditioning.
My intentions are honourable. I know that I am completely not looking for a quick shag, that is so totally out of the question for me. My netherregions seem to have put themselves into a cryogenic freeze. "do not open till xmas" it says on my zipper. So why the fuck not?
On the one hand, I unhealthily don't want to ever walk past a cafe one day and see her sitting with another man. Well I can certainly recognize that that's fucked because I also totally want her to do that. I want her to live.
So I'm gonna lay this card down face up.