Login
Forgot Password?

OR

Login with Google Login with Twitter Login with Facebook
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • SuicideGirls
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
Vital Stats

pica_pica

Canada

Member Since 2004

Followers 55 Following 91

  • Everything
  • Photos
  • Video
  • Blogs
  • Groups
  • From Others

Monday Aug 09, 2004

Aug 9, 2004
0
  • Facebook
  • Tweet
  • Email
I just realized that for the entire past 7 days, I haven't thought a single negative thing about her. Is that me protecting her again? Still?
The only negative thing that I have thought about regarding her is the fear that now that she's alone she could be raped or killed or both. Protection.

I totally can't watch the news now if they mention another missing woman, or watching Cold Case Files and they have some old black and white photos of some poor woman's body in the bushes somewhere, I have to turn it off. I am instantly afraid for her out in that fucked up world. At least for the last 12 years I knew she was safe because she was laying beside me. Fuck.
Hmm, I have also been terrified that she is going to bounce straight into the arms of another man. Skipping any period of growth, I mean she is soo fucking beautiful, the boys are going to be clamouring all over themselves to get to her.
It may start with a moment of weakness on her part, but she may then just slip right into the same pattern with another man that is in the right place at the right time during that weakness.
Fuck, that thought makes me feel so bad. I am partially doing this out of love for her, this is the only way I can think that would force her to live for herself first. Of course, it's for me too, but in all my months and months and months of thinking about it, I always weighed out both sides, and saw her being alone as a good thing for her. She never has been on her own for more than a few weeks.
Her live-together boyfriend of 4 years had left their apartment the VERY DAY I met her. Seriously, the day they broke up was the day we started seeing eachother, and they were together for 4 years, us 12.
Man, if she does that, and falls in with some other guy right away, a big part of me is going to feel some major failure in this decision.

I guess another part of me is also hanging on to her. Hoping somehow that she'll still be there for me when I'm all happy and I have my life together again. How totally selfish.
I'd never want to give her any false hope, but I sure feel it right now.
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
pica_pica:
aw damn, that's where the quote button usually is!!

WHADDYA MEAN BALEEEEETED?

I just deleted RubySparkles post. meant to be clicking on the quote button. --Guess what, there ISN'T a quote button in your journal.

Meant to say Ruby, that that must have totally sucked for you. I think I'd be kind of angry in your position after that.



[Edited on Aug 10, 2004 11:24PM]
Aug 10, 2004
rubysparkle:
Yeah it sucked but that was a long time ago, it's done. Anyhow enjoy your hiding. Read a good book. And let me know when you want to go for coffee. miao!!
Aug 10, 2004

More Blogs

  • 12.25.05
    8

    Sunday Dec 25, 2005

    OMG Wireless! Quick! Waste no bytes! Merry Christmas!
  • 12.19.05
    7

    Monday Dec 19, 2005

    I've been in wireless internet hell. I'm taking this brief opportu…
  • 12.17.05
    10

    Saturday Dec 17, 2005

    man we've been spoiled so far this season. It's another beautiful da…
  • 12.15.05
    4

    Friday Dec 16, 2005

    Called the soon to be new landlord yesterday. The family that is m…
  • 12.14.05
    4

    Thursday Dec 15, 2005

    I am the saver of the tree! . oh wait. I suppose if I really loo…
  • 12.13.05
    6

    Tuesday Dec 13, 2005

    HA! falling firmly into the "seemed like a good idea at the time" …
  • 12.12.05
    5

    Monday Dec 12, 2005

    forgot my cellphone in a cab this morning. Didnt' even realize I'd…
  • 12.11.05
    5

    Monday Dec 12, 2005

    I mostly go for the underdog. So in the thick of the fog yesterday…
  • 12.10.05
    5

    Saturday Dec 10, 2005

    Thank you everybody for your thoughts and words. As anonymous as a l…
  • 12.07.05
    12

    Wednesday Dec 07, 2005

    aw shit. Just got home from the vet. That tumor in Morgan's mouth…

We at SuicideGirls have been celebrating alternative pin-up girls for:

23
years
10
months
19
days
  • 5,509,826 fans
  • 41,393 fans
  • 10,327,617 followers
  • 4,599 SuicideGirls
  • 1,114,228 followers
  • 14,946,099 photos
  • 321,315 followers
  • 61,456,705 comments
  • Join
  • Profiles
  • Groups
  • Photos
  • Videos
  • Shop
  • Help
  • About
  • Press
  • LIVE

Legal/Tos | DMCA | Privacy Policy | 18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement | Contact Us | Vendo Payment Support
©SuicideGirls 2001-2025

Press enter to search
Fast Hi-res

Click here to join & see it all...

Crop your photo