ok, so I'm just over the 2 week mark since I broke up with her. On one hand, that sounds like a really long time when some of those days were so bleak and depressing and every minute of every hour just dragged and dragged, but on the other hand, I feel like it just happened. Currently not feeling very far ahead in my personal acceptance of this.
Went down to Wreck Beach again yesterday, it was a canadian holiday so it was the last day of a long weekend. I was with a good friend of mine that i've known for about 14 years. We're a bad influence on eachother I think.
Anyways, yet another beautiful day. Sunny, warm, cold beery... After layin there roastin the boys for a few hours it was time for a dip in the ocean.
Ok, I think I need to back this story up a bit. It really starts when I was down there around 2 months ago, I had gone alone that day. That day, I was still in 'the relationship'. Well, wreck beach is pretty friendly most of the time, and more often than not you find yourself in a conversation with those that are sitting close by. This day was one of those conversation days, and I started talking to two women that were next to me, using the same log as a backrest.
Well, one thing led to another, and we ended up -- playing backgammon. Yeah, i know, risque!
After a few hours, the conversation turned a bit flirtacious, and there were some sexual innuendos being thrown around. My first reaction was that I loved it, it made me feel great. I was in a superlow point with 'the relationship' and being flirted with somehow validated me. It was totally wrong, but I let it go on.
Then I guess I got hit with a pang of guilt. So I broke out the truth and let them know that I had a girlfriend. I think they were a bit pissed off at me for letting the games even start, but fuck I was glad I came clean and didn't allow it to progress. We didn't have much to say after that, and I left the beach shortly thereafter.
So that's the background story, and brings me back to Monday down at wreck, cooling off and having a dip in the ocean.
I hear a voice behind me in the water, "Hey, Hi!" It's the two women from 2 months ago. They recognised me from my tattoo, they said. (that thing makes it a bit difficult to remain anonymous when nude.)
Well, I apologize to them right then and there for the last experience, and then tell them that I've finally broken off ties and ended that relationship, then invite them over to come sit with my friend and I.
I'm not even entirely sure that's what I wanted, I think a part of me was feeling that that is what I SHOULD do, being single an all.
So again, the backgammon board comes out, and they bring their blanket on over.
I don't know what to say. It was good, it was fun.... the woman that I was mostly talking with the last time started spankin my friends naked ass as he was laying on his stomach playing backgammon with her friend. She gave him a few really good whacks, big red hand mark on his cheek.
Then she lightly rubbed it, stroking it.. I was like "Whoa, she's done that before... very iiiinteresting!" It was all just good fun, but it sparked up a conversation about BDSM. The day looked interesting indeed.
Around 7:30, we started packing up and they invited us back to their house for a bar-b-que. We agreed and picked up some gin and juice on the way.
Well, yeah. Got naked again, ended up in her room while my friend went downstairs to her friends room, and we stayed the night.
No, we didn't fuck. I was re-introduced to the wonders of explosive female ejaculation, which I totally fucking loved, but it remained mostly me bein on the 'pleaser' end of the scenario until we realized it was like 3:00am and we all had to work today.
I slept in her bed there for 3 hours, then we had to get up and go.
And how do I feel? Do I feel happy and alive? Do I feel some sort of joy from conquest?
No.
I feel terrible. Empty.
Isn't that kinda fucked?
no
Went down to Wreck Beach again yesterday, it was a canadian holiday so it was the last day of a long weekend. I was with a good friend of mine that i've known for about 14 years. We're a bad influence on eachother I think.
Anyways, yet another beautiful day. Sunny, warm, cold beery... After layin there roastin the boys for a few hours it was time for a dip in the ocean.
Ok, I think I need to back this story up a bit. It really starts when I was down there around 2 months ago, I had gone alone that day. That day, I was still in 'the relationship'. Well, wreck beach is pretty friendly most of the time, and more often than not you find yourself in a conversation with those that are sitting close by. This day was one of those conversation days, and I started talking to two women that were next to me, using the same log as a backrest.
Well, one thing led to another, and we ended up -- playing backgammon. Yeah, i know, risque!
After a few hours, the conversation turned a bit flirtacious, and there were some sexual innuendos being thrown around. My first reaction was that I loved it, it made me feel great. I was in a superlow point with 'the relationship' and being flirted with somehow validated me. It was totally wrong, but I let it go on.
Then I guess I got hit with a pang of guilt. So I broke out the truth and let them know that I had a girlfriend. I think they were a bit pissed off at me for letting the games even start, but fuck I was glad I came clean and didn't allow it to progress. We didn't have much to say after that, and I left the beach shortly thereafter.
So that's the background story, and brings me back to Monday down at wreck, cooling off and having a dip in the ocean.
I hear a voice behind me in the water, "Hey, Hi!" It's the two women from 2 months ago. They recognised me from my tattoo, they said. (that thing makes it a bit difficult to remain anonymous when nude.)
Well, I apologize to them right then and there for the last experience, and then tell them that I've finally broken off ties and ended that relationship, then invite them over to come sit with my friend and I.
I'm not even entirely sure that's what I wanted, I think a part of me was feeling that that is what I SHOULD do, being single an all.
So again, the backgammon board comes out, and they bring their blanket on over.
I don't know what to say. It was good, it was fun.... the woman that I was mostly talking with the last time started spankin my friends naked ass as he was laying on his stomach playing backgammon with her friend. She gave him a few really good whacks, big red hand mark on his cheek.
Then she lightly rubbed it, stroking it.. I was like "Whoa, she's done that before... very iiiinteresting!" It was all just good fun, but it sparked up a conversation about BDSM. The day looked interesting indeed.
Around 7:30, we started packing up and they invited us back to their house for a bar-b-que. We agreed and picked up some gin and juice on the way.
Well, yeah. Got naked again, ended up in her room while my friend went downstairs to her friends room, and we stayed the night.
No, we didn't fuck. I was re-introduced to the wonders of explosive female ejaculation, which I totally fucking loved, but it remained mostly me bein on the 'pleaser' end of the scenario until we realized it was like 3:00am and we all had to work today.
I slept in her bed there for 3 hours, then we had to get up and go.
And how do I feel? Do I feel happy and alive? Do I feel some sort of joy from conquest?
No.
I feel terrible. Empty.
Isn't that kinda fucked?
no