I just realized that for the entire past 7 days, I haven't thought a single negative thing about her. Is that me protecting her again? Still?
The only negative thing that I have thought about regarding her is the fear that now that she's alone she could be raped or killed or both. Protection.
I totally can't watch the news now if they mention another...
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The only negative thing that I have thought about regarding her is the fear that now that she's alone she could be raped or killed or both. Protection.
I totally can't watch the news now if they mention another...
Read More
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
pica_pica:
oot and aboot
sunday morning. looks beautiful out there today.
I had a mellow saturday night at home, which I suppose makes two mellow evenings at home, or a mellow weekend alone at home.... whatever.
Last night was the "celebration of light" down here in the west end. Every summer they have fireworks on Wednesday and Saturday for 2.5 weeks, and the numbers I heard were 500,000 people...
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I had a mellow saturday night at home, which I suppose makes two mellow evenings at home, or a mellow weekend alone at home.... whatever.
Last night was the "celebration of light" down here in the west end. Every summer they have fireworks on Wednesday and Saturday for 2.5 weeks, and the numbers I heard were 500,000 people...
Read More
VIEW 7 of 7 COMMENTS
bluechild:
i wish i could do/say something to help you 
err:
you knockin ole english?
dems fightin werds.
dems fightin werds.
I never needed you more than when I needed to stop needing you.
Just dawned on me that it's entirely possible that what i am dealing with here is the slaughter of the codependency. The harder this gets, the more I want/need to have what's always been there for my support.
BACK! BACK! beast.
Just dawned on me that it's entirely possible that what i am dealing with here is the slaughter of the codependency. The harder this gets, the more I want/need to have what's always been there for my support.
BACK! BACK! beast.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
err:
Try stabbing something. That always helps get me through the day.
pica_pica:
yeah, i think in the 12 years that just passed, this is a record.
We've been through this before. A few times. This time is different though. I'd say like 90% of the relationship was amazing, but that last 10% was so fucking important that it eventually ate through what was left of me.
That other 90% though, that always makes me want her as my friend, but it would appear as though we aren't able to do that. I think we have to maintain our distance to keep the strength.
I just got off a one hour phone call with my 'other' friend of the two that i've been close to over the last 15 years or so, and I feel way better at the moment.
feelin just fine right now, caught me at a good moment. Didn't even need to stab anything.
We've been through this before. A few times. This time is different though. I'd say like 90% of the relationship was amazing, but that last 10% was so fucking important that it eventually ate through what was left of me.
That other 90% though, that always makes me want her as my friend, but it would appear as though we aren't able to do that. I think we have to maintain our distance to keep the strength.
I just got off a one hour phone call with my 'other' friend of the two that i've been close to over the last 15 years or so, and I feel way better at the moment.
feelin just fine right now, caught me at a good moment. Didn't even need to stab anything.
Saturday morning here, 6:57 am.
Well, that was a Rocking friday night.
I'm thinking back to my July 28th entry, and I'm still feeling pretty fuckin alone with this thing. I took my dog out last night around 7:30 for the last of his outings for the day and of course the streets down here had plenty of couples and groups going somewhere out...
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Well, that was a Rocking friday night.
I'm thinking back to my July 28th entry, and I'm still feeling pretty fuckin alone with this thing. I took my dog out last night around 7:30 for the last of his outings for the day and of course the streets down here had plenty of couples and groups going somewhere out...
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WOOOO
the vancouver city parks board has this thing going on called
"Monsters in the Meadow"
They're playing King Kong tonight
KING FUCKING KONG
I am so going.
the vancouver city parks board has this thing going on called
"Monsters in the Meadow"
They're playing King Kong tonight
KING FUCKING KONG
I am so going.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
pica_pica:
no. I'm not going. I just called the info line and they cancelled it due to rain.
postponed until Sept 10th, but NEXT FRIDAY is the 1931 original Frankenstien!
it better not rain.
postponed until Sept 10th, but NEXT FRIDAY is the 1931 original Frankenstien!
it better not rain.
graciebaby:
okay... so here it is....
I don't usually add friends to my list without a heads up post in my journal...or some comment as to why someone wants to add me.... but after a bit of nosing around in your journal...
The liquid latex shirt won me over......
look into whether you have a reunion next year...it will be well worth it... I had a blast....
gracie
I don't usually add friends to my list without a heads up post in my journal...or some comment as to why someone wants to add me.... but after a bit of nosing around in your journal...
The liquid latex shirt won me over......
look into whether you have a reunion next year...it will be well worth it... I had a blast....
gracie
my god I need some time off work. I just found out my Great Dane may have "cushings disease" and could be really sick.
Damnit.. now is not the time. I just can't seem to concentrate when I'm sitting at the office, I feel like I need to just chill out for a few days. Finish cleaing up this place and regain some sort of...
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Damnit.. now is not the time. I just can't seem to concentrate when I'm sitting at the office, I feel like I need to just chill out for a few days. Finish cleaing up this place and regain some sort of...
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bluechild:
i'm sorry about your Great Dane, it's so hard to have a sick pet, specially one so loved.... 
pica_pica:
Luckily, he's not showing any signs of being sick... What I thought was just arthritis showed up with some weird stuff in the blood tests.
What sucks is that there's nothing really they can do for it if he does have it due to his age.
It's one of those "make him happy and comfortable" things.
What sucks is that there's nothing really they can do for it if he does have it due to his age.
It's one of those "make him happy and comfortable" things.
chewing slowly trying to sift out the piece of bone or
fingernail i got up and looked in the cupboards again even
though i don't put cups in them and they're not bare and you're not
in there either mulling my tounge around like feet in grapes
feeling for gristle staring into mason jars i paced
back to the fridge where the electric wind cools...
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fingernail i got up and looked in the cupboards again even
though i don't put cups in them and they're not bare and you're not
in there either mulling my tounge around like feet in grapes
feeling for gristle staring into mason jars i paced
back to the fridge where the electric wind cools...
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Crazed in his room, sliding blistered fingers on the guitar again. Same boring song, same pained notes, same mistakes. Putting the guitar down, glancing at his fingertips again, surveying new damage. The clock clicked over to 11:11 Everyone asleep now except his cat, who sat and stared like he was mortally heartbroken from some dumb mistake one night.
Definately time to get out somewhere.
Definately time to get out somewhere.
I had to change my nic.
I've been finding this journal is an incredibly cathartic therapy, and I would totally stop being so fucking honest if I knew anybody I actually knew was reading it.
My old nic, i use all over the place and have been using that for about 8 years online. I googled it the other day and came up with a...
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I've been finding this journal is an incredibly cathartic therapy, and I would totally stop being so fucking honest if I knew anybody I actually knew was reading it.
My old nic, i use all over the place and have been using that for about 8 years online. I googled it the other day and came up with a...
Read More
Still feeling nasty and flat after this weekend's escapades. Sitting here so early in the morning I am starting to see through the fog a bit more clearly now. I can somewhat see a lesson taking shape.
I am obviously in no way ready to be 'out there' and available.
For a good chunk of the day yesterday I tried to figure out what the...
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I am obviously in no way ready to be 'out there' and available.
For a good chunk of the day yesterday I tried to figure out what the...
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shackbu:
You may never be ready to be "out there"but with stats like that it can only be a matter of time.... 
bluechild:
you just need time to breath 
ok, so I'm just over the 2 week mark since I broke up with her. On one hand, that sounds like a really long time when some of those days were so bleak and depressing and every minute of every hour just dragged and dragged, but on the other hand, I feel like it just happened. Currently not feeling very far ahead in my personal...
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WHADDYA MEAN BALEEEEETED?
I just deleted RubySparkles post. meant to be clicking on the quote button. --Guess what, there ISN'T a quote button in your journal.
Meant to say Ruby, that that must have totally sucked for you. I think I'd be kind of angry in your position after that.
[Edited on Aug 10, 2004 11:24PM]