i read something today that made me think.....
i am ugly...
i weigh 200 pounds...and i'm 5'9. i do not look like the women i see in positions of power.
i have had personal trainers, i have tried everything from diet pills to cocaine,
my skin is not smooth and white and beautiful. i could feel bad about myself or the social construct that places value on features that i do not hold. but instead, i am resentful and bitter.
i run about five miles a week, i do four hours of taekwondo a week, i am by no means, in bad shape, but i am 200 pounds, and i am the smallest member of my family...
i have justified my body size and skin color with genetic information.
i know that when people look at me they see my big fat ass, i know this because when i look at "big" girls (not men mind you, only women) that is all i see...their bigness. their failure to adhere to social standards...
i pray that i could become anorexic or bulimic...only i really like to not feel crazy and i kinda like eating too.
because of this, fat ugly people like me will have to
1) endure social rejection and judgment
2) be placed lower on the preference scale
3) settle for members of society who are "like them"
4) have to work extra hard to have a good sense of self.
i know that i am ugly acording to the standards of today...
i wear a girdle to a punk rock show....for this not only am i a hypocrite, but i didn't get laid either.
i'm going to start setting money aside for gastric bypass sugery... then people i don't know will look at me and i will get a better job, i will not get laughed at when i try to talk to boys at bars, i will not feel any better about my ugly self, but at least it will look like i should.
i am ugly...
i weigh 200 pounds...and i'm 5'9. i do not look like the women i see in positions of power.
i have had personal trainers, i have tried everything from diet pills to cocaine,
my skin is not smooth and white and beautiful. i could feel bad about myself or the social construct that places value on features that i do not hold. but instead, i am resentful and bitter.
i run about five miles a week, i do four hours of taekwondo a week, i am by no means, in bad shape, but i am 200 pounds, and i am the smallest member of my family...
i have justified my body size and skin color with genetic information.
i know that when people look at me they see my big fat ass, i know this because when i look at "big" girls (not men mind you, only women) that is all i see...their bigness. their failure to adhere to social standards...
i pray that i could become anorexic or bulimic...only i really like to not feel crazy and i kinda like eating too.
because of this, fat ugly people like me will have to
1) endure social rejection and judgment
2) be placed lower on the preference scale
3) settle for members of society who are "like them"
4) have to work extra hard to have a good sense of self.
i know that i am ugly acording to the standards of today...
i wear a girdle to a punk rock show....for this not only am i a hypocrite, but i didn't get laid either.
i'm going to start setting money aside for gastric bypass sugery... then people i don't know will look at me and i will get a better job, i will not get laughed at when i try to talk to boys at bars, i will not feel any better about my ugly self, but at least it will look like i should.
I'd rather kill the radio and listen to the rain hit
Little sister needs seclusion some how she'll discover it through the pop music
Got used to the feeling of falling, but she'll never see her following
Bouncing back and forth between the healing and the hollering
Riding the outer ring of your own private saturn
Thoughts scattered all across the grey matter
...
She doesn't want to understand why I still come around
She look at the mirror she'd just see what I see
She holds no history of how precious she be
Lay your head on my chest, speak of the stress
Kick your feet up and rest, before we clean up the nest
I hate to see you upset it cramps the position
And if you didn't know you better listen
we still on for Amsterdam?
[Edited on Sep 19, 2005 7:27PM]