phoolsfire

i guess this is it. i leave tomarrow. and its the fourth. and i really miss jon. really. and that makes me feel... yucky...and incredibly human....drink. sitting at my computer and drinking is ....somewhat comforting. i gots the pixies doolittle playin in the background. its only 7pm and i can't wait to go to bed.

and the worst part is, (this is the first time i've spoke of this since we broke up), when i get back he wants to get together.how can one be friends with someone they love but know that ultimatly were no good together. why didn't i listen to him years ago when he said it would never work.. why is it that people assume that the person who does the breaking up is fine. i don't think i can be friends. this is not comfortable. this is not what i'm looking forward to. how does shite get so messy...drink. joe says he had lunch with his ex twice"just to wrap up any loose ends".
drink
drink
drink...
i have made a vow, i will no longer date my old ex-boyfriends. no, i must get all new ex-boyfriends and then i will only date them. ....drink.

i can only picture the worst. years from now i'm passing through town to visit family, and i see him and a bueatiful woman and lots of kids and everything is peaches and roses. and i can't help but think...if that lifestyle found me i would want nothing more than to shoot myself in the head. but still...drink.

bad liver and a broken heart.