CAUTION! the following is a very psycho-girly collection of thoughts!!! read at you own discreation.
"gimme gimme gimme i need i need!!!!"
i feel so vulnerable. what the hell am i doing???? i know its just the hormones.
all my stuff came in the mail yesterday,
i got all my stuffs, including a gift i had randomly purchased for some dude, now that i'm no longer talking to this individual, what do i do with the gift?
am i still all hung up on ol dude cause i'm crazy, or is it hormonal, this in now way is healthy....then it occurs to me...the last guy i felt like this about was from decatur too....ummm maybe its something they put in the water? "i'm a stupid jerk, be obsessed with me" even in the last situation like four/five years ago, i was so enamored with the individual for absoutly no reason, not very attractive, not a great personality, kinda self-absorbed blah blah blah, oh yeah and he was totally in love with my roomate. he used to talk about her while we'd be having sex... how extreamly masochistic!!! it wasn't even a relationship really, just bad sex and drug use. i rationalized it as oh, i'm young, i can afford to be a little fucked in the head. but theres really no excuse for this! i'm older, more mature,..."grown up" if you will.
the said individual in question is much younger and compleatly oblivious to the situation, in fact this "situation" is compleatly one sided!! i'm nuts, ooooorrr,
maybe this is all just an attemt to not deal with the recently failed relationship i just came out of...humm,
i was talking with my father, ( because in many ways he's my best friend) and he pointed out that the impression that he got was that ex-boyfriend and i were never very happy. and its true that towards the end it was really shit, but he ment like the whole time, then i'm thinking, did i just spend three years of my life being comfortable? with no real commitment to any thing, was i indeed, like rob says,committing "suicide in tiny increments" for three years? i know life is not a movie, but somtimes because movies make things so clear cut they can articulate what is so jumbled and excrtiating in real life.
i'm gonna hop in the shower then go work for jim for a while, he lost his meds, bad news
"gimme gimme gimme i need i need!!!!"
i feel so vulnerable. what the hell am i doing???? i know its just the hormones.
all my stuff came in the mail yesterday,
i got all my stuffs, including a gift i had randomly purchased for some dude, now that i'm no longer talking to this individual, what do i do with the gift?
am i still all hung up on ol dude cause i'm crazy, or is it hormonal, this in now way is healthy....then it occurs to me...the last guy i felt like this about was from decatur too....ummm maybe its something they put in the water? "i'm a stupid jerk, be obsessed with me" even in the last situation like four/five years ago, i was so enamored with the individual for absoutly no reason, not very attractive, not a great personality, kinda self-absorbed blah blah blah, oh yeah and he was totally in love with my roomate. he used to talk about her while we'd be having sex... how extreamly masochistic!!! it wasn't even a relationship really, just bad sex and drug use. i rationalized it as oh, i'm young, i can afford to be a little fucked in the head. but theres really no excuse for this! i'm older, more mature,..."grown up" if you will.
the said individual in question is much younger and compleatly oblivious to the situation, in fact this "situation" is compleatly one sided!! i'm nuts, ooooorrr,
maybe this is all just an attemt to not deal with the recently failed relationship i just came out of...humm,
i was talking with my father, ( because in many ways he's my best friend) and he pointed out that the impression that he got was that ex-boyfriend and i were never very happy. and its true that towards the end it was really shit, but he ment like the whole time, then i'm thinking, did i just spend three years of my life being comfortable? with no real commitment to any thing, was i indeed, like rob says,committing "suicide in tiny increments" for three years? i know life is not a movie, but somtimes because movies make things so clear cut they can articulate what is so jumbled and excrtiating in real life.
i'm gonna hop in the shower then go work for jim for a while, he lost his meds, bad news
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
What was the gift?
But Alice has one of the most psychotic circus songs ever--Kommienezuspadt (sp?). It's worth buying the album for that and We're All Mad Here.
Wasn't Good Ol Rob talking about not commiting being suicide by tiny increments?
There has to be SOME connection between the new guy (Matty i'm assuming?) and the old guy, you know, besides Decatur. What'ja get 'im? Was it a Turtle Statuette? Turtle Statuettes is da shit, yo.
he used to talk about her while we'd be having sex
that's both creepy and kinda hot... nope, just kinda creepy...inna hot sorta way. But, yeah, totally creepy.
and hot.
and ballsy.
i'm surprised you put up with that shit.
really sucks that i missed ya this weekend. if i'd have checked my stuff earlier i'd have stayed in town. darnit.