phoolsfire

today i will go to my newly joined club, a sort of networking bullshit type thingy, i figured i need help. aa is not cutting it while filling out the apilcation the lady kept asking me if i had any friends here i could count on for help, when i told her my colsest friends were fmily and lived a whiles away, she seemed shocked, then she kept asking me. the worst part is i had to pay a shit lode of money for this "self-help" outpatient service. if it doesn't work, then i don't know i guess ill just sell all my stuff and move back to the island. i don't know what it is,
last nigtht i found myself trying despaeratly to look up old boyfriends.
i don't feel depressed, i just don't feel good. if anything, i feel better than i have in the past. but wanting something more.
i think i've gone mad