phoenixxx13

ugh.... so much drama.... Me and the bf got into it again.... he mentioned breaking up.... i lost it... I just broke. I litterally felt sick.... I just dont know what to do about this anymore, I dont know what im supposed to do....

When he said what he said, I had no idea what i was going to do.. i have no where to go.... I would have to rely on someone else til i figured out how t get on my feet.. and i have such a horrible history with depression and i have horrible coping problems... i just dont know how i would do it. He has become so much of my life, i gave up everything to see us through.... i dont know how i would handle it.....

Just the thought of him going out and partying and drinking me away then fucking me away makes me literally sick.... i can feel my insides spasm and twist into a knot... Im not trying to think ill of him by saying thats what would happen.... but its the truth... its going to happen wether i want to believe it or not.... I just feel like after being with someone for so long, its like its just not possible to fuck someone else... i know i probably sound so old school these days... but its not just a fuck... it a connection..... a unity of two people... idk....

I'd like to think that i could just drink all reality away like i do every other time, and just rebound to forget past feelings..... but it just seems so impossible... when everything i ever had i shared with him... everything i see brings me back to him.....

I just feel so overwhelmed with emotion.... we didnt break up.... but its just that fear of it happening the next fight, or arguement, or even talk we have....

We said that we would work everything out together and that everything will be fine..... but this last fight was so close to the end i could feel it griping my insides and tearing me apart..... it was too close for comfort.....