phoenixshadow

I cried in the shower this morning. At first I didn't know why, I just let myself go, allowing the warm water to casade off my body, turning my skin pink, and my face red.

I cut myself today. I needed to feel something again. I watched as the crimson stretched out over my flesh, staining my cloths and sheets alike. It felt good, it felt pure, it fely gradifying.

I downloaded songs to my MP3 player this afternoon, that reminded me of you. I don't know why, but I had to. Some that reminded me of the wrong I have done to you, some that reminded me of our happiness together, and some that remind me of my anguish.

I drew images of myself this night. My face with joy, my soul tortured, and my body crumbling. All I saw, all I see in the images, is disgrace, is lies, is a mask, hiding the twisted creature within.

Tonight I broke down. I prayed to the heavens, to the Gods and Goddesses, for release, for sanctuary, for oblivion, it never came, so now, I write this. I smile. For the first time, in quite sometime, I smile, and I don't know why...