okay, so here's the question/issue that's crushin my brain today.
so i know we all wonder from time to time, what our lives would be like if this or that didn't happen a certain way or didn't happen at all. who would we be today if we didn't go that certain path that led to here. would we be better off not having dealt with agony and misery along the way? would be be completely different if one tiny, seemingly insignificant thing was changed?
what does it mean when something from the past continues to make itself a present issue? it's been dealt with, several different ways several different times but it keeps coming back. sometimes i feel like i'm in groundhog day. great movie by the way....but really, i can't help but feel trapped in a perpetual circle of......something. i can't even figure it out therefore i can't even think of a way to describe it to others.
funny how the memory works. you can totally and completely forget something until you smell a certain smell, hear a certain sound, see something in particular....etc. some things can be completely pushed away from memory and thought until some tiny lil thing sparks it. and sometimes those refreshed memories and thoughts aren't all that pleasant.....sucks at times.
so i guess i got a bit off track..........who would we be, what would we be doing if certain things were different. i'm not talkin bout earth shattering events either...i'm talkin bout simple stuff like a missed or never made phone call, a road trip that should have happened but never did...things like this. you know the whole deal...chaos theory...butterfly effect and such. one tiny lil ripple over here can be a tsunami across the ocean. really though, does this one thing continually coming back at me mean that i can still do somethin with/about it? or is it just a haunting and taunting thing? can i deal with it and never get closure??? i think most of you that know me know there's no chance of that happening. if something gets stuck in my craw....it stays there until it's dealt with. so i guess the issue is HOW do i deal with it? as i've stated above...i've dealt with it many times before in many different ways but still.........here i am. pondering...contemplating...wondering.
so i know we all wonder from time to time, what our lives would be like if this or that didn't happen a certain way or didn't happen at all. who would we be today if we didn't go that certain path that led to here. would we be better off not having dealt with agony and misery along the way? would be be completely different if one tiny, seemingly insignificant thing was changed?
what does it mean when something from the past continues to make itself a present issue? it's been dealt with, several different ways several different times but it keeps coming back. sometimes i feel like i'm in groundhog day. great movie by the way....but really, i can't help but feel trapped in a perpetual circle of......something. i can't even figure it out therefore i can't even think of a way to describe it to others.
funny how the memory works. you can totally and completely forget something until you smell a certain smell, hear a certain sound, see something in particular....etc. some things can be completely pushed away from memory and thought until some tiny lil thing sparks it. and sometimes those refreshed memories and thoughts aren't all that pleasant.....sucks at times.
so i guess i got a bit off track..........who would we be, what would we be doing if certain things were different. i'm not talkin bout earth shattering events either...i'm talkin bout simple stuff like a missed or never made phone call, a road trip that should have happened but never did...things like this. you know the whole deal...chaos theory...butterfly effect and such. one tiny lil ripple over here can be a tsunami across the ocean. really though, does this one thing continually coming back at me mean that i can still do somethin with/about it? or is it just a haunting and taunting thing? can i deal with it and never get closure??? i think most of you that know me know there's no chance of that happening. if something gets stuck in my craw....it stays there until it's dealt with. so i guess the issue is HOW do i deal with it? as i've stated above...i've dealt with it many times before in many different ways but still.........here i am. pondering...contemplating...wondering.
VIEW 3 of 3 COMMENTS
mneylu:
the way i think of it, i just .. from that point that i remember onwards, always make that phone call- and know that from then on - i am wiser for it.. and its been great ever since.. as for the past... better late than never.
mneylu:
i had a crazy xmas and new years. it hit me part way into it that even though i ddnt get much time off.. i really appreciated getting to see the fam. but we had had a death in the family so it was really about coming together for the deceaseds sake.. so it was kinda nice. 
u?
u?