I find my self these days thinking about stuff i haven't normaly thought about it and looking back on decisions and things done over my life. a lot of things I regret and wish I could do differently ,people I regret trusting and letting in, being used for things only cause I could do them etc. After each occurrence the walls went up brick by brick , day by day till the point that im completely shut off from feeling any thing. ive gotten use to being alone and it does scare me at times. I live days by day cause I can't see a future for my self. when I think about that I just see my self alone in the darkness waiting for the end to come. my best friend recently passed away and it has sent me further down the rabbit hole to say. He kept me from self destructing and sprits up. with out him the world has gotten a little darker. I look at the world and I have no stake in it. If it wasn't for having to go to work I don't how id get through the days . i'm so lost with no signs of finding what ever is out there.
