phoenix383

holidays just remind me im alone have no girlfriend or wife and im not really that close to family so I find myself home with the pets. Another christmass gone and passed and I find my self same as years before alone and no better than previous years.. A New year around the corner and to me its another year of misery and being depressed, wondering why I still wake up every day.things I that use to make me happy and such no longer do as they did and I just don't know what to do any more. To me being alive is pain and sorrow for my self . going to work distracts my mind from being depressed most days but unfortunitly people I work with are assholes and two faced people, now I know many many people have the same type of coworkers and its nothing new but it still is some thing any one shouldn't have to deal with. the bosses are scum bags too and to bring any problems to them resolves nothing but getting an attitude and told that's bob or chris etc and they go back to not caring. I feel sick every day I wake up knowing what I'm going in to and it sucks in simple words. end the the shift can not come fast enough but I digress ,there are moments or happiness and good things but i wind up back to the same place at the end of the days and I do often consider the options of leaving this world behind me and each day I find less reasons to stay to be honest. there are moments of happiness and Every day things remind me of what is and what wont be and it just wears me down . some nights I sit and think what to do or what the future holds and nothing of great important or excitement comes to mind. a new movie in the months ahead is the high light of most days. in the movie the wrestler the character randy the ram says at the end " the world don't give a shit about me , only place I get hurt is out there".i think about that quote at times and how true it is. I'm not sure why I'm writing this , maybe just to vent and try to get some of it out of my system. so called people who are my friends don't understand what it is to feel what it is I feel or understand it ,ive always felt like an Outsider. for some reason here I feel like people might understand it . as to if any one reads this Idk but all that is asked is comments of hate or assholes trying to hurt don't bother. I don't need any help living in the darkness thank you.