Alright, here's the score:
I've just been in one of those moods since I started going back to work about 2-3 weeks ago.
I think it all goes back to this last deployment I was on. I've tried to keep myself optimistic about everything that's been going on overseas for the last 2 years for sometime now. To be truthfully honest, I don't even really feel like sharing. Those of you who know me also know that I don't have any issues with my colleagues in the service. Bottom line? I'm just tired of seeing people get hurt. I'm tired of reading about even more people getting hurt. I felt so surreal, thinking that a day where people were trying to kill us was at least a day when you didn't have to read about 20-30 civilians' worth of body parts being hosed out of a marketplace.
Coming back to work following a short vacation, my inability to do anything meaningful just kind of became that much more obvious. Work is scarce, as most of my friends are either deployed or deploying soon. When there is any, it doesn't bring me much pleasure. It's just not the great stuff I used to do. I got rightly suckered into a position I knew I shouldn't have taken, and the time when I might have spent the week doing night jumps and outdoorsy training with my own team seems like it was fucking ages ago...
Some other stuff I was counting on/planning for simply didn't happen. I'm partly to blame for this, as I took information and advice provided by others at face value. As a result, my plans have effectively been pushed back by a year. I don't feel very good about being 29, and knowing that I'll hit 30 before any of my plots are started makes me feel worse.
I just feel... kind of stretched thin. Maybe hollow is the word I'm looking for.
More to follow. Sorry about the vent-a-thon.
I've just been in one of those moods since I started going back to work about 2-3 weeks ago.
I think it all goes back to this last deployment I was on. I've tried to keep myself optimistic about everything that's been going on overseas for the last 2 years for sometime now. To be truthfully honest, I don't even really feel like sharing. Those of you who know me also know that I don't have any issues with my colleagues in the service. Bottom line? I'm just tired of seeing people get hurt. I'm tired of reading about even more people getting hurt. I felt so surreal, thinking that a day where people were trying to kill us was at least a day when you didn't have to read about 20-30 civilians' worth of body parts being hosed out of a marketplace.
Coming back to work following a short vacation, my inability to do anything meaningful just kind of became that much more obvious. Work is scarce, as most of my friends are either deployed or deploying soon. When there is any, it doesn't bring me much pleasure. It's just not the great stuff I used to do. I got rightly suckered into a position I knew I shouldn't have taken, and the time when I might have spent the week doing night jumps and outdoorsy training with my own team seems like it was fucking ages ago...
Some other stuff I was counting on/planning for simply didn't happen. I'm partly to blame for this, as I took information and advice provided by others at face value. As a result, my plans have effectively been pushed back by a year. I don't feel very good about being 29, and knowing that I'll hit 30 before any of my plots are started makes me feel worse.
I just feel... kind of stretched thin. Maybe hollow is the word I'm looking for.
More to follow. Sorry about the vent-a-thon.
VIEW 16 of 16 COMMENTS
I hope you are well.
So I am back in this virtual neighborhood, only with a more pompous name...funny that, considering I picked up some humility in the interim.
I have some information that might interest you. It is a dictionary (in english) of all the words (in ancient greek) used in "Anabasis".
There is a lot of arcane info here. But...ah, a question...you greeks aren't still fond of snacking on pickled dolphin?...are you?
Another bit of arcana: the war javalin had a thong wrapped around it which caused it (when thrown) to spin around, much like what a rifle does to a bullet.
Tricky bunch, your ancestors...
If you are interested I finally (maybe) figured out the URLs and whatnot on these god-damn machines to set you up with a "link", or whatever.
If I can't do that I will just email the thing to you...it is definativly a whale...took god-damn who the hell knows how many hours to download the fucking thing.
But it was worth it.
All right.
Adios for now,
Take it easy
Corvinus.
Thanks for dropping by my journal.