I'm not preaching to anyone. this is my prayer from last night I have to past this on here to let my self know i'm for real. This sums up the battle of the last two months. I have to pray until something happens.
God, only You can save me right now, save me from myself. I believe that a man is judged on what his has in his heart and the sins that he commits against You and other Man. That is how I choose to judge and that is how I will be judged. Therefore I have the right to judge myself. My sins may be low for right now but my heart is not pure. Or maybe my heart is pure but my sins are too high. I don’t know but something is not right. I choose to live with pain because I feel this is what I deserve. So I guess I’m asking you to save me from me. My choices are not reflecting the life I should be living. If I don’t lead that life them I fail. I fail at Life. I fail to be the person that God made me. If God is walking with me, then I should be able to walk the way, and where god wants me to walk. That means that I’m not walking with God. That means that I’m walking on my own and that when things get tough I quit.
In order for me to walk with God, I have to stop walking with myself. I have to understand that there is more to my and to my life that me. It not about me; my life is not about me. It’s about the relationship that I have with the Creator. If only God can save me, then I need God, I need to walk with him, I need to eat, sleep, breath, and be with God. I can’t do this alone.
So why do I do this alone. Because in order to walk with God I need to open up my heart and let Him in. It’s been shut for years. I gave that key to someone else a long time ago and that person was not Him (so if my heart is not open than it is not pure, answer to earlier question). I can’t let the Person that loves me the most in let alone a woman. But like every good break up it is a time to heal and get over it. Everyone around you can see it sometimes except you. You can pretend to be over it but your not. You can get through your day without crying but you still hurt. Everyone around can see you’ve had enough time but you and you still don’t change. Maybe my heart hasn’t healed, but I know that its time. I can’t this by myself anymore, I never could. I can do all things through Christ, by myself I’m nothing.
I guess I have to ask god to come into my heart and make me a better person. Without Him in my heart there is no point of asking him to come in to my life, and change it. I’m going to pray for this every night until it happens, I’m going to fast until it happens. I’m so sick of failing, I’m so sick of being alone.
God, only You can save me right now, save me from myself. I believe that a man is judged on what his has in his heart and the sins that he commits against You and other Man. That is how I choose to judge and that is how I will be judged. Therefore I have the right to judge myself. My sins may be low for right now but my heart is not pure. Or maybe my heart is pure but my sins are too high. I don’t know but something is not right. I choose to live with pain because I feel this is what I deserve. So I guess I’m asking you to save me from me. My choices are not reflecting the life I should be living. If I don’t lead that life them I fail. I fail at Life. I fail to be the person that God made me. If God is walking with me, then I should be able to walk the way, and where god wants me to walk. That means that I’m not walking with God. That means that I’m walking on my own and that when things get tough I quit.
In order for me to walk with God, I have to stop walking with myself. I have to understand that there is more to my and to my life that me. It not about me; my life is not about me. It’s about the relationship that I have with the Creator. If only God can save me, then I need God, I need to walk with him, I need to eat, sleep, breath, and be with God. I can’t do this alone.
So why do I do this alone. Because in order to walk with God I need to open up my heart and let Him in. It’s been shut for years. I gave that key to someone else a long time ago and that person was not Him (so if my heart is not open than it is not pure, answer to earlier question). I can’t let the Person that loves me the most in let alone a woman. But like every good break up it is a time to heal and get over it. Everyone around you can see it sometimes except you. You can pretend to be over it but your not. You can get through your day without crying but you still hurt. Everyone around can see you’ve had enough time but you and you still don’t change. Maybe my heart hasn’t healed, but I know that its time. I can’t this by myself anymore, I never could. I can do all things through Christ, by myself I’m nothing.
I guess I have to ask god to come into my heart and make me a better person. Without Him in my heart there is no point of asking him to come in to my life, and change it. I’m going to pray for this every night until it happens, I’m going to fast until it happens. I’m so sick of failing, I’m so sick of being alone.
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Thinks she's Galactus but is really only Venom.
That make any sense?
-TM