She told me that Alex, the man I'd been seeing for the past 4 years, had a profile on Match.com.
The tag line was "I am looking for someone to share my life"
I drove in a furious rage to his house. I wanted to hurt him REALLY hurt him like physical harm HURT.
I called on my way over, not sure why, & received no answer.
I figured if he wasn't home I've throw eggs at his house or smear peanut butter all over his picture window.
He was home.
He admitted he did indeed have a profile and he said it in such an insouciant manner that for a second I almost believed that there was nothing wrong.
6 months.
He told me he had the profile for six months, a profile that HE the cheapest man in the world paid for!
In those 6 months he went on vacation with me & my children, he celebrated their birthdays, he leaned on me for advice in this past month he told me that I was the only person in his life he could rely on.
He's reasoning was that 4 years ago...FOUR YEARS AGO when we first started out we said that if someone else came along then we'd just end it. Of course that was before he meant my children, before I met SOME of his family,
Before we, in apparently MY HEAD ALONE, became a couple.
He openly admitted he was embarrassed about my situation (I am separated NOT divorced) which is why he never invited me to any family BIG family events & why his friends don't like me.
He just piled the shit on me all while telling me he didn't REALIZE he was hurting me.
He said he wanted MORE but of course he NEVER ASKED ME.
I left that night drained & when I got home he called me to apologize for hurting my feelings.
Then he went on as if nothing happened.
I haven't spoken to him since though on FB (Oh we're not friends on FB he wouldn't approve me) on our mutual friends pages he tries to act as if nothing is wrong. As if he's just a good old guy.
I hate him & I want him humiliated & hurt.
He gets to live his life as if he did nothing wrong, as if everything is OK and here I am with my insides torn out feeling humiliated, disrespected, dishonored.
and yeah, alone.
Oh I have so many people who have reached out to me and really truly care but it ME who made the mistake of caring for this piece of human excrement and I must always LIVE with that.
Yeah yeah I KNOW this will pass but it sucks that he's not hurting suffering being lit on fire while I fucking piss on him!
Lady Like, I know.
Thank you for reading
