ive been reading elliot smith lyrics and now im depressed.
i, prior to reading anything said to myself "gee if i were going to kill myself i would so put an elliot smith CD on" not that im going to do anything of the sort.
ahhh depression by choice, i feel like shit.
and now thanks to my own self destructive nature and a dead mans words you all get to observe.
i feel pointless.
yep pointless, i have something i want very badly to write about but i cannot...i have just a little too much respect for that.
but i can hint and cry and moan.
im honest you know that. so fuck you chris (and perhaps others)
i dont know why im so goddamned honest but i am, and it makes me look like a great big liar, i am all to ready to tell about the worst parts of me, and it makes me look pretty bad. i'll admit that.
but you all know shit about yourself that no one knows, you all have your filth. and you keep it like its something sacred, and lovely.
(perhaps im feeling more hateful than sad...)
sing of your faltered convictions, and broken words, scream of your own ideals that have been walked on my none other than YOU!
fucking revel in the death of your self-image.
admit to these things look them in the eye, fucking stare them down.
if we could look at ourselves, fuck...
i dont want to preach.
but why the fuck am im suffering because i stand in the light. why the fuck are my actions criminal, simply because i say "yes"
"hey, hey, it was me and i was wrong"
im not saying give all of yourself to the world, or anyone for that matter, but fuck, keep the good things, treasure you inner child, and your love, keep the small soft things to yourself, be selfish with that shit... dont whore it and keep only the filth for you.
wtf???
and thats exactly what everyone does, the are so rushed to impress that everything worth having gets dumped out and all you have is this nasty seething mound of lies and pain and things that the world tells you to hide and be ashamed of.
well fuck that im not.
(depression coming on...)
so with all my hate and lies and rage, who wants to step up and care?? who want something real? who wants something wroth while because its not a facade?
well...
damn you, i want this, i really do. no trick.
fuck.
do you not believe me? do you not care? (i think thats the one, not that you dont care at all, simply that you dont care for what i want.)do you not notice?
are you waiting? (i think not) testing? watching? taking what you can while you can? or do you even give it thought? again i think not...
take what you get, right?
fuck my lack of words right now, hell fuck my lack of words for this subject.
try will you?
no...
i cant even ask...
i, prior to reading anything said to myself "gee if i were going to kill myself i would so put an elliot smith CD on" not that im going to do anything of the sort.
ahhh depression by choice, i feel like shit.
and now thanks to my own self destructive nature and a dead mans words you all get to observe.
i feel pointless.
yep pointless, i have something i want very badly to write about but i cannot...i have just a little too much respect for that.
but i can hint and cry and moan.
im honest you know that. so fuck you chris (and perhaps others)
i dont know why im so goddamned honest but i am, and it makes me look like a great big liar, i am all to ready to tell about the worst parts of me, and it makes me look pretty bad. i'll admit that.
but you all know shit about yourself that no one knows, you all have your filth. and you keep it like its something sacred, and lovely.
(perhaps im feeling more hateful than sad...)
sing of your faltered convictions, and broken words, scream of your own ideals that have been walked on my none other than YOU!
fucking revel in the death of your self-image.
admit to these things look them in the eye, fucking stare them down.
if we could look at ourselves, fuck...
i dont want to preach.
but why the fuck am im suffering because i stand in the light. why the fuck are my actions criminal, simply because i say "yes"
"hey, hey, it was me and i was wrong"
im not saying give all of yourself to the world, or anyone for that matter, but fuck, keep the good things, treasure you inner child, and your love, keep the small soft things to yourself, be selfish with that shit... dont whore it and keep only the filth for you.
wtf???
and thats exactly what everyone does, the are so rushed to impress that everything worth having gets dumped out and all you have is this nasty seething mound of lies and pain and things that the world tells you to hide and be ashamed of.
well fuck that im not.
(depression coming on...)
so with all my hate and lies and rage, who wants to step up and care?? who want something real? who wants something wroth while because its not a facade?
well...
damn you, i want this, i really do. no trick.
fuck.
do you not believe me? do you not care? (i think thats the one, not that you dont care at all, simply that you dont care for what i want.)do you not notice?
are you waiting? (i think not) testing? watching? taking what you can while you can? or do you even give it thought? again i think not...
take what you get, right?
fuck my lack of words right now, hell fuck my lack of words for this subject.
try will you?
no...
i cant even ask...