phelonie

i want the American dream.
what the fuck kind of punk am i...a piss poor one these days.
im young, im female...and i want to be loved, im sick of blowing shit, im sick of good things going sour...i want stability goddamn it! i want to bake fucking pies and such.
i do not however want a picket fence...that shit is dangerous...
i want a real job, i want one of those things in the kitchen that you hang pots and pans from! and i DO NOT want to think of pots and pans and weapons!
i want to fall asleep in the same bed every night, i want to fall asleep next to the same man every night.
i want to be made love to.
fuck.
i want to be loved.
fuck.
i want to say "i love you" and not be ashamed, puppy love is wonderful and good and fun but it leaves you, and i leaves you feeling smaller, and wanting, it leaves a good taste in you mouth but i want a fucking MEAL!
fuck.
im young and female, and i want to find my someone, i dont want to settle, i dont want meaningless sex, i dont want "for right now"...yeah...i dont want something that makes me think of a trent reznor song, that is NOT love.
fuck.
i want honesty, and warmth, i want fights that can be worked out because im FINALLY willing to bend, i want a life, not an existence, i want to stay home at night, i want to cuddle!
fuck.
and i wont find it, and i have no desire to build this alone, its nothing without someone to share it with.
fucked.
it so easy to fool yourself when you want something badly, you never know. im fucked.
im to young, im to blind, im ready but not prepared.
and even though i can say that i dont know what to do.
fucked.
and ive fucked up for to long, ive got to many names and stories, and i cant lie...i wont lie, because i want love, not a lie.
i can count on one hand the boys ive slept with, my puppy loves and flings, my youth, and now my curse.
i never thought i could be TO honest.
but the american dream isnt built on honesty.
fucked.