Tonight was horrid. There's this guy I work with, and he's great really. A great friend. See where I'm going? He's 17 years older than me and honestly likes me. Not pervo-older guy stalkerish wants me, but genuinely likes me. Only problem is, it's never gonna happen. I don't think of him like that. Last night, we were drinking at work and joking around. I said something sarcastic and he goes "Well, I'm just gonna stop liking you." So I told him to go ahead. And he kinda looks serious for a minute and says, "Should I?" And I said yes.
But then he just blew it off. So he wasn't scheduled tonight, but he came in anyway just to chill with me when I wasn't busy. So he kept trying to get me to kiss him and say I'd be with him, and I didn't want him liking me anymore and wasting his time. So this customer came in and offered me $50 dollars if I'd get on stage and go topless. The guy that likes me, he kinda has less respect for women that do that. Cause he thinks they don't need to. So I figured, what the fuck, let's do it. I'll make $50 and maybe he won't like me as much anymore.
So I did it. And I was SO embarrassed. Luckily, it was the last song of the night before closing and everyone left after that. So I cleaned the tables and mirrors afterwards. The guy is waiting for me, I guess wants to talk to me, or walk me out to my car. And I just left as fast as I could when he wasn't looking.
I sent him a text message from my phone later saying "I hope I made it easier for you to not like me." He called, but I couldn't bring myself to answer. I think it really honestly hurt him that I did that. Which doesn't make any sense. But I hate that I hurt him. I wasn't trying to. I just don't want him wasting any more time on me cause he's a great guy. I tell myself that maybe now he'll move onto someone better that it will work out with. But I feel like the biggest bitch. *sigh*
I don't know. I'll stop ranting. I just feel awful about it.
Made $80 altogether while topless on stage though. And not even a whole song.
Nope, that doesn't help. I still feel like shit.
But then he just blew it off. So he wasn't scheduled tonight, but he came in anyway just to chill with me when I wasn't busy. So he kept trying to get me to kiss him and say I'd be with him, and I didn't want him liking me anymore and wasting his time. So this customer came in and offered me $50 dollars if I'd get on stage and go topless. The guy that likes me, he kinda has less respect for women that do that. Cause he thinks they don't need to. So I figured, what the fuck, let's do it. I'll make $50 and maybe he won't like me as much anymore.
So I did it. And I was SO embarrassed. Luckily, it was the last song of the night before closing and everyone left after that. So I cleaned the tables and mirrors afterwards. The guy is waiting for me, I guess wants to talk to me, or walk me out to my car. And I just left as fast as I could when he wasn't looking.
I sent him a text message from my phone later saying "I hope I made it easier for you to not like me." He called, but I couldn't bring myself to answer. I think it really honestly hurt him that I did that. Which doesn't make any sense. But I hate that I hurt him. I wasn't trying to. I just don't want him wasting any more time on me cause he's a great guy. I tell myself that maybe now he'll move onto someone better that it will work out with. But I feel like the biggest bitch. *sigh*
I don't know. I'll stop ranting. I just feel awful about it.
Made $80 altogether while topless on stage though. And not even a whole song.
Nope, that doesn't help. I still feel like shit.
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that text message was harsh.
probably a better way to handle all that, but, meh, too late now. i hope i never come a cross a girl like you, ouch, im too sensitive for that