The Friendzone - why it's just a bunch of excuses
The concept of the friendzone is something that's existed for a very long time. There is a rise in popularity of the idea now in 'net culture, but there's no denying it's been around for a long time.
So, what is it?
The friendzone falls in to one of two areas:
1) Two people - one wants a relationship, the other does not.
2) Two people, one wants a relationship, the other does not, but enjoys having the other around to stroke their ego - this was covered well by How I Met Your Mother, where they referred to it as "being on the hook". In my opinion, this isn't a real friendzone, because one person is infatuated, and the other is an asshole.
So, why does it happen so much? One reason is that some people are unable to accept bad news. Another is that some people are unable to deliver bad news. In either case, anyone who considers themselves to be in a friendzone needs to wake up to themselves.
The key to avoiding "friendzone" on both sides is to be straight up, no bullshit.
If you have a friend that you want to be more than a friend, there are ways to go about it - don't use your friendship as a subtle way of creating a relationship that is more than friendship. Ask them out on a date, and be clear that you want it to be a date, not a hang-out or similar.
If you are on the other side, don't beat around the bush. Anything other than a definitive no is going to give them false hope, whether it's justified or not.
Don't say things like "I don' think that would be a good idea" or "we're too good as friends" - people take this as a challenge and are sure they can convince you, one way or the other. The fact is that having a friend as a partner is a great building block for your relationship. This doesn't mean that ANY friend is relationship material. It just means that "because we're friends" is a hard reason to use convincingly.
If you think you are friendzoned, then it's time to man up (even if you are a chick). It's going to be hard, sure. But you can't change someone's feelings. You can't fake attraction.
In my opinion, the "fault" of a friendzone lies with the person who thinks they are in the zone. No one owes you a relationship, and even if they are atrociously bad at breaking the bad news to you, that's not their fault. You've put them on the spot.
Eventually, one of three things will happen:
1) Perhaps you'll convince them to give it a crack despite their lack of interest. Guess how well this is going to turn out . . .
2) You won't get the hint (or perhaps you won't get the very basic and straightforward shut-down), and you'll ruin your friendship.
3) You'll get the message, and go on being good friends.
Hopefully, you end up in 3.
As a final thought - if you have a friend who has expressed an interest, and you share the interest, don't ignore it. Friends as partners are an awesome thing. If the attraction is mutual, don't let the idea of ruining a friendship block you.
The concept of the friendzone is something that's existed for a very long time. There is a rise in popularity of the idea now in 'net culture, but there's no denying it's been around for a long time.
So, what is it?
The friendzone falls in to one of two areas:
1) Two people - one wants a relationship, the other does not.
2) Two people, one wants a relationship, the other does not, but enjoys having the other around to stroke their ego - this was covered well by How I Met Your Mother, where they referred to it as "being on the hook". In my opinion, this isn't a real friendzone, because one person is infatuated, and the other is an asshole.
So, why does it happen so much? One reason is that some people are unable to accept bad news. Another is that some people are unable to deliver bad news. In either case, anyone who considers themselves to be in a friendzone needs to wake up to themselves.
The key to avoiding "friendzone" on both sides is to be straight up, no bullshit.
If you have a friend that you want to be more than a friend, there are ways to go about it - don't use your friendship as a subtle way of creating a relationship that is more than friendship. Ask them out on a date, and be clear that you want it to be a date, not a hang-out or similar.
If you are on the other side, don't beat around the bush. Anything other than a definitive no is going to give them false hope, whether it's justified or not.
Don't say things like "I don' think that would be a good idea" or "we're too good as friends" - people take this as a challenge and are sure they can convince you, one way or the other. The fact is that having a friend as a partner is a great building block for your relationship. This doesn't mean that ANY friend is relationship material. It just means that "because we're friends" is a hard reason to use convincingly.
If you think you are friendzoned, then it's time to man up (even if you are a chick). It's going to be hard, sure. But you can't change someone's feelings. You can't fake attraction.
In my opinion, the "fault" of a friendzone lies with the person who thinks they are in the zone. No one owes you a relationship, and even if they are atrociously bad at breaking the bad news to you, that's not their fault. You've put them on the spot.
Eventually, one of three things will happen:
1) Perhaps you'll convince them to give it a crack despite their lack of interest. Guess how well this is going to turn out . . .
2) You won't get the hint (or perhaps you won't get the very basic and straightforward shut-down), and you'll ruin your friendship.
3) You'll get the message, and go on being good friends.
Hopefully, you end up in 3.
As a final thought - if you have a friend who has expressed an interest, and you share the interest, don't ignore it. Friends as partners are an awesome thing. If the attraction is mutual, don't let the idea of ruining a friendship block you.