phallen

Today is the day of my Nans funeral. She was 89 and died a couple of weeks back. I'd just got in from work, was enjoying a cup of tea when i got the call to say she died. And i feel really bad because i don't feel bad. I only cried once, and that was driving to work on the day i heard she'd died. I was remembering things from when i was little and it just hit me and i had to pull over. But other than that i just haven't felt sad. I used to be really close to my nan, but stopped seeing her as much in the last 10 years partly because of work and partly because she was an alcoholic and i just hated seeing her when she was really drunk. The last time i saw her was before christmas, and just after she was taken into hospital and i never went to see her. Part of me is glad, because aparently she looked really bad towards the end and i would rather my last memory of her to be of her healthy than her ill in a hospital bed.

i'm not really sure where all this was going, but it was something i needed to get off my chest, cos it's not really something i can talk to my family about.