Friday Mar 12, 2004

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my heart is actually hurting in my chest from all of this...i hope it dosen't burst..but if it does i love all of you fuckers.!!!!!

if it dosen't i'm gonna get so much out of this..notebooks are being filled as we speak and paint is flying....

stillifegaijin:
i love you...i love every mother fuckin thing...holding hands at 5am...an hour long phone call today and she's listened to the cd (allegra gellar) 3 times...i'm taking her to brunch @ dan's tomorrow...the one you and i skipped out on...then she wants me to go see the loft she wants to move into...to approve? i told her to take her time...i'm not running away...i don't think she is either...dagger loves her...dagger grew on her...such high hopes...

what's a crush? who's melissa? certainly not THE melissa...i know what that sexual position is...definently hard to explain...

i met tegan tonight at the bigfoot lodge...w/ heather (who should change her name to HEAT!!!
pezboy7416:
certainly not THE melissa...i know what that sexual position is...definently hard to explain.........explain.

heh...one of the two girls. not a crush just humanphysicalcontact. and she has amazing tats on her back and chest.

have fun at jew brunch.. just don't use tofutti cream cheese. galaxy rocks.

tegan and heather are both rockin hot.

if you and dagger love her i'm in on the love. i told you i think that she's fucking amazing and that was from 2 minutes talking to her. and you know how picky i am so.......

but i still love you more.



Thursday Mar 11, 2004

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myspace. pez. fun.driving. cold. trees. nothomeanymore. girls. yuum.

Monday Mar 08, 2004

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she reluctantly accepted my move to nyc....she misses me more every day she tells me every time i talk to her...she tells me last night that i can't move to l.a. because it's too far from her. the morning that it's snowing when the day before it's 55 and sunny....the morning that i have to get the ny post to send her because she wants...
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pezboy7416:
yes.in the morning.

don't change your journal. i agreee. she wasn't my family she was one of my best friends, and she loved me uncondtionally, that's why i'm gonna miss her so much. the south will see me again, then not for a long time.
pezboy7416:
ok.........i love all of you..i missjeremy....i love l.a........it will make me happier than i know........tears are still coming.....i try.....

Saturday Mar 06, 2004

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the whiskey is slamming me in the head............acck!!!

la was a dream i want to have every day...and soon it will be! i keep going back and forth.......sooner is better so i think the better will be done.

missing you and denver is happening as many times as i breathe in air........sometimes more often.....but this morning it's not happening as frequently as the thought of...
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cupidvalentino:
in response to "you don't know me" yeah, that is what i was thinking at first, that it is good to have a close friend with no pressure of sex etc. but what later occured to me is that i think its something a little deeper than just that. when i describe my perfect imaginary girl, im basically describing her. i think i've almost idealized this girl to the point where i can't even imagine her in a sexual situation, because that would somehow spoil her. i guess that is because sex in my mind is so closely linked with bad relationships, pain, loss and alot of general ugliness. i almost feel like i can't bridge the gap between truly liking someone and seeing them as a sexual object. most of my relationships, no matter how long they have been, have been on a really superficial level. its like i can find a girl i really like and be great friends with her, or a girl i'm indifferent towards, have a very superficial connection with her and get laid.
oh, and i value your opinion as well, or anyones at that.
cupidvalentino:
you're right. there can be no harm in it, but what i think i realized most from thinking this all through, is that i'm probably not ready for my "dream girl" at this point, because i would most likely end up hurting her and hating myself for doing so.

Monday Mar 01, 2004

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there can't be anything better than being in a city that you've never seen with your own eyes and it becomes the focal point of you're entire point. we all have points, we all have goals we hope to see ourselves accomplish and it's so bizarre how much hope a different city can give. new york has been beautiful to me and has given more...
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theasdassa:
they are up!!!!
stillifegaijin:
i miss you...i'm failing at slowing down the whiskey flow...maybe it will easier once she's back in town and i have a clue of what's going on. got email from amy...busy till next week...i miss you

Thursday Feb 19, 2004

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ok. i'm back. took a week off of the pc for some fancyflighted cleansing bullshit.

i have a serious problem though. well actually two.
the first and less frightening is that i have to have surgery on my knees in three weeks and will be incapacitated for one more after that....

the big prblem is i finally got my first tatoo....................and i'm not a big...
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pezboy7416:
................................................and this is how it went..............................tell!

are you ok?
stillifegaijin:
i'm fine...she's the one paying too much to live in atlanta...and right behind MJQ...yuk.

Wednesday Feb 11, 2004

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i'm a tofitti cutie baby! wow..that's scary.....

anyways. i changed my number in case you've tried to call me.

nyc baby!


i've lost all of my hate. still hurt/angry but i realize that everyone can only progress at the rate where they're hte most comfortable, we choose to make it harder on ourselves and push nonstop towards our forseen goals. some can't. so we sit...
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stillifegaijin:
funny...yesterday, on THE day i felt pretty good. today i'm nauseous and sad and contemplating how sad she is. how scared she is. how she just fucked it all up. i'm really fucking sad and telling myself that it's not valentines day anymore so i can call but i won't...i just want to send the cd...the day is coming...listenig to 'judas, yesenia' as i type this...

i'm going to a party tonight. i was invited by this woman who i don't know. she just started talking to me yesterday...fuck it...i'm branching out. getting out of here. she lives in my hood so it can't be too bad...

i'm gonna start drinking NOW.
stillifegaijin:
where are you?

Sunday Feb 08, 2004

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for me it's better not sleeping until the light starts coming back up, writing and painting seem to take up enough time. then it's to sleep for a couple of hours then i wake up and can't just lie cos i gotta get to work. the hustle keeps me from calling too much. but any is too much so i suppose every plan has it's...
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roby:
i need to do that stuff more. paint. ah, me time.
stillifegaijin:
are you out there? are you a popsicle?

Thursday Feb 05, 2004

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The beginning is the end. Every day is the end of the night that came before. Endings will follow every blink in your eye. What follows is left to no one to see until the light is already fading. Why do we feel the need to control beginnings and endings? There seems to be ebough to deal with getting through already.

melancholy follows despite.
pain...
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roby:
frown
pezboy7416:
now i'm confused.....

i leave the 2nd yes...overnighterflighter.

Monday Feb 02, 2004

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...........some days just don't seem to give any new hope for the purpose of carrying on this struggle of independance and conscienceness of knowing the masses are doomed to indifference and ignorance.............what else is ther behind these doors still to open?
VIEW 5 of 5 COMMENTS
roby:
ok, you're cool.

tofutti cuties.

yay!
pezboy7416:
mint chocochip cuties are the best!!!

l.a. is calling, i'm tuning out the statiq.

dates. flying up on the 25th. that's a wednesday. staying 7 days.....so leaving on the 2nd?

uh-huh.........pez.
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