and here forth is the longest note i've ever lft on my sg fridge.....
so .......... it's been awhile and my life has changed in these past two weeks more than i ever thought possible......
we (stillifegaijin) always do this.... we fall so fast it's like we were never standing up...... so we do and we are.
she is the most amazing mesmerizing delightfully un-assuming girl i've ever met...and i'm in love with her being so aloof to the fact of how much she actually controls in the world..the powers she has haven't been categorized or catalouged yet so she's still a book being written.....but with words she hasn't heard or known....
brief(long) story short
i see people not as organic human beings but as colours...and every one of them has been a different shade...mandy. orange. jonathan.yellow. andria.red. ashley.purple. rivers.blue. roanna.green. but her..her..her.. mai. ..she's so many colours at the same time that she comes out as white... pure..new....uncut... not fitting any mode of correlation ever devised... and she is the plow to my fields and meadows of self discontent and remorse..to the modes of my very processing of understanding..... to my dreams of what will come and the pictures that i've painted on the walls of my brain.. i'ts like meditation and you clear it all with white walls of purity and clarity to see anything as it really is...she's the process tha aftermath and the long wait inbetween.
and she's made me not by her knowledge or doing but still she nevertheless has opened a well of metaphors and colours that i've never seen before...and am enjoying more every seocnd that i'm not stabbing myself in the head.....(less and less)
finally the best news i've recieved since the birth of actually melting soy cheese......................
one of the most transitioned constantly reformatted achingly beautiful bands ever heard along with one of the most painstakingly massively splendid bands are playing in los angeles at island music @ zen sushi - 2609 hyperion ave
los angeles, ca - in silverlake. wednesday august 4th!! 10pm.
yes..... it's.......allegra gellar and rhode island music.......
love means something different every minute...and the definitions are making me dizzy....
and lbnt.......she has me drinking queens tapwater...fuck...what's next?
so .......... it's been awhile and my life has changed in these past two weeks more than i ever thought possible......
we (stillifegaijin) always do this.... we fall so fast it's like we were never standing up...... so we do and we are.
she is the most amazing mesmerizing delightfully un-assuming girl i've ever met...and i'm in love with her being so aloof to the fact of how much she actually controls in the world..the powers she has haven't been categorized or catalouged yet so she's still a book being written.....but with words she hasn't heard or known....
brief(long) story short
i see people not as organic human beings but as colours...and every one of them has been a different shade...mandy. orange. jonathan.yellow. andria.red. ashley.purple. rivers.blue. roanna.green. but her..her..her.. mai. ..she's so many colours at the same time that she comes out as white... pure..new....uncut... not fitting any mode of correlation ever devised... and she is the plow to my fields and meadows of self discontent and remorse..to the modes of my very processing of understanding..... to my dreams of what will come and the pictures that i've painted on the walls of my brain.. i'ts like meditation and you clear it all with white walls of purity and clarity to see anything as it really is...she's the process tha aftermath and the long wait inbetween.
and she's made me not by her knowledge or doing but still she nevertheless has opened a well of metaphors and colours that i've never seen before...and am enjoying more every seocnd that i'm not stabbing myself in the head.....(less and less)
finally the best news i've recieved since the birth of actually melting soy cheese......................
one of the most transitioned constantly reformatted achingly beautiful bands ever heard along with one of the most painstakingly massively splendid bands are playing in los angeles at island music @ zen sushi - 2609 hyperion ave
los angeles, ca - in silverlake. wednesday august 4th!! 10pm.
yes..... it's.......allegra gellar and rhode island music.......
love means something different every minute...and the definitions are making me dizzy....
and lbnt.......she has me drinking queens tapwater...fuck...what's next?
the sunshine heals. the world tastes better than it feels (sometimes) - we fall. fast. i'm not sure what makes me get out of bed anymore but if i need to prove myself to anyone, you're right, it's me. only me.
our arms are long. this country isn't as wide as it seems. we are reaching.
i've given in and accepted that there is more to the world than sound. sound makes everything else possible but everything else is nes-es-scary. we want more from the world. from these people. i'm over. the past is finally dead.
think.
there is nobody left...m is still loved but so far away. aside from her, you are my oldest friend that still matters. it took awhile but i realize that i am happy this way - starting over - leave NY and find this freedom - NYC is still too tied to the ATL. i am gone. you are the only one i wish to have here.
but a warning - it is real and i may go to korea for some time next august...six months...a year...no more than a year. only if my love stays with me and we figure it all out. i will go and return and be fresh. maybe it will all fall apart but the possibility is there - i am realizing i need change, constantly, more experiences. more of a world to write about - and i believe that B may be the one. so we tie our lives together - but not at the expense of anyone else that i love ------ i have ideas of how to make it work. but i warn. - still, this place, this life is finally all that i had planned with HER but lost. i found a more earthly and concrete version. one that feels like home and not a film i'm trying to cast myself in. B makes me feel closer to the people i love not distanced. come join the party.
well, i've lost track nd i'm not sure how much of this is a response and how much is my solution to your equations. at best i's only a partial solution. i've lost a decimal point somewhere and get graded mediocre.
want to know a secret? she said those words...it really happened.
and i feel the same for you...and us for ghosts...and ghost for no one.
love.